I cannot believe it's been 5 years since the day that haunts us and blesses us at the same time. November 17th 2011 was the day Jarrod miraculously had his tumor removed. That tumor was considered impossible to completely remove. We are so thankful for Jesus Christ and His supernatural power. We are thankful for His grace that spared Jarrod's life spiritually and physically. God has done exceedingly more than we have asked or imagined!
Jarrod is still tumor free to this day. He is working full time and supporting our family of five. Jarrod continues to walk with a cane but also continues to improve and progress. More feeling in his body has also been restored which means his nerves are continuing to heal. The doctors gave him just two years to improve but we are on year 5 and his healing and progress continues. On Thanksgiving, the children and I decided to go for a walk. Jarrod went outside just to watch so he stepped out without his cane. When they saw daddy outside, they cheered for him to walk with us without his cane. He couldn't deny them so he came. He walked from our house to the end of the street and back home without his cane. Another miracle for the books!
The night after Thanksgiving, we visited the hospital Jarrod stayed at for a month five years ago. We have the fondest memories of celebrating Thanksgiving with our families that year. I know it sounds strange but it was one of the best Thanksgivings because the gift of life was more precious to us. We weren't bombarded with all the tasks of preparing a holiday that we are supposed to express gratitude but are too stressed to enjoy it. We were able to truly celebrate life and genuinely be thankful for all of God's blessings. This year we wanted to reminisce and continue our celebration of life there. We also wanted to visit some of the nurses and staff that are so dear to us. Unfortunately, most of them were not there. Only one of them were working that night. He had us take selfies on his phone to show the rest of the staff that were not there. We were able to share our story again to the other nurses that we never met and bless them with gratitude for their hard work. It was a blessing to us to bless them. As we were reminiscing, we were approached by a wife of one of the patients there. She asked us questions about Jarrod's tumor, what the doctors said his outcome would be, etc. She then told us about her husband who just had his third surgery to remove parts of a brain tumor. The doctors are unable to remove the entire tumor because they don't want to harm any parts of the brain. Because they've tried surgeries and radiation without success, they are now on experimental treatment. Just like Jarrod, his outcome is unknown. We then got the chance to meet her husband and speak with the both of them. Our hearts ached for them. They had two young children at home waiting for their daddy to come home. We felt the pain they all were feeling. I couldn't fight the tears on this one. Our hearts broke for them. They wanted to know how we went through it and so we shared with them how our Savior Jesus Christ carried us through the entire journey. He is the one that gave us our hope, our drive, our victory, our perseverance, and our joy. We left their room with an ache in our hearts and tears in our eyes. They didn't share the hope we had. You could feel the pain and sadness in their room. I can't imagine going through what we did without God. Some might say that our "religion" or our God is just our crutch. I respond, why yes He is! Without our "Crutch" or a more relatable word, "CANE", we would fall flat on our face! Our hope, regardless of what happens in our lives is in Heaven and in Jesus Christ. His Word tells us to "set our minds on things above." This world is so temporary and tomorrow is promised to no one but when you have the God of LIFE as your foundation, you have a lasting hope that will not fail you.
Again our hearts ache for this family we met, for more reasons than one. Join us in praying for them. Pray for healing physically and spiritually. Pray that they will find the hope that continues to get us through. Pray that God would also use us! We would love to bless them the way so many have blessed us.
Agsin, we are so thankful for everyone of you who have prayed for us, blessed us, encouraged us, and helped us along this journey. We remember each one of you and pray for you. To this day you continue to bless us. Just last week one of you put our Christmas lights up on our house and a couple of you carried our Christmas tree and placed it inside our home. I could keep going with the many ways you all continue to help us. We will forever be grateful for each one of you. Thank you for inspiring hope in our lives.
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Monday, November 17, 2014
Wow! I can't believe how long it's been since I've updated this thing! Every year I love to come back to this and read what I wrote when we were going through our biggest trial. It's amazing to read how God held us through the entire time and kept us afloat.
Today, Monday, November 17th, 2014 marks Jarrod's three year anniversary of his surgery. I remember the flood of emotions of that day. From the fear, to the peace, then the doubt, the miracles, the comfort and support, the tears, the laughs, and so much more.
The BEST memory of that day was when I finally got to see Jarrod after 5 hours of surgery and then another hour or 2 after that for recovery. I went to his room and he was all drugged up. The doctor had just met with me and told me that they were able to miraculously take out the tumor. Before surgery, he told us it would be pretty much impossible to take out if the tumor was wrapped around the spinal cord. When they went in, they saw it was wrapped 360 degrees. There was so much pressure from the spinal fluid build up that a lot of it burst out and they were able to remove all of it. Though we had that amazing miracle, we still didn't know if he was paralyzed or not. Anyways, when I went into his room in the ICU he was so loopy. I remember our conversation so well.
Me: "Guess what, hub."
Jarrod: "huh"
Me: "Jesus took out all of your tumor! It's gone!
Jarrod: "are you serious?! Thank you,Jesus! Heavenly Father! You're so good. Jesus, Jesus. Thank Jesus. Thank you Jesus."
And then he broke out in song. I don't remember exactly what song it was but I remember it being a hymn which I've never heard him sing before. It was so sweet. Then he said, "I'M HUNGRY!" Was so funny. Now, all of this was slurred. I could barely understand him. Then he kept trying to say something to me. I couldn't figure it out for awhile. He couldn't move his hands or arms so he couldn't signal either. Finally I got it. He kept asking for me to scratch his nose. I did and he gave a huge sigh of relief. He said he had been trying and trying to ask the nurses to do it but they couldn't understand him. He said he was so frustrated. Then he said in his nail lady accent, "you want uppah lip wax?" And then went back to singing his hymn and thanking Jesus. It was hilarious. I remember laughing and crying at the same time.
Fast track three years later and he is STILL tumor free! He is getting stronger and getting more feeling back. He's still walking with a cane but he's a lot faster and stronger. Around the house he'll walk without his cane and only sometimes out in public. We also have THREE kids now. Our third is a little boy who we absolutely adore. He is almost 10 months old. His name is Joshua and looks just like his daddy. His sisters are also in love with him. Hannah is now 4 and Amariah is almost 3. Jarrod is working full time now with the same company. They continue to be so wonderful and supportive. Last weekend, I ran a half marathon as one of the ways to celebrate this third year. I have NEVER been a runner or even athletic in any way. I was always the little girl to get hit in the head with a ball in PE. Because Jarrod would always look at people running or doing some sort of sport (especially football) and would wish he could do it again, I was inspired to run FOR him. Football, not so much. I wouldn't want to embarrass him. Now running I could do so I did. I barely completed that half marathon but I did! Jarrod was so proud. It encouraged him to try to use his cane less.
As I sit and remember that crazy time in our life, I am reminded of how much Jesus blessed us and carried us through. As difficult as it was and still can be, we would never trade it for anything better. Of course we'd love for him to be 100% again but the experience of God's hand in our life has been priceless. He has always been faithful even when we have been faithless. Thank you, Lord for your grace in that. May you, Lord forever get the glory from our lives and our testimony. We would have NEVER made it without you. We are also so grateful for the many people He's placed in our lives to bless us in SO MANY different ways.
Happy 3 year anniversary, Jarrod! Youre another year stronger! I love you!!!!
Today, Monday, November 17th, 2014 marks Jarrod's three year anniversary of his surgery. I remember the flood of emotions of that day. From the fear, to the peace, then the doubt, the miracles, the comfort and support, the tears, the laughs, and so much more.
The BEST memory of that day was when I finally got to see Jarrod after 5 hours of surgery and then another hour or 2 after that for recovery. I went to his room and he was all drugged up. The doctor had just met with me and told me that they were able to miraculously take out the tumor. Before surgery, he told us it would be pretty much impossible to take out if the tumor was wrapped around the spinal cord. When they went in, they saw it was wrapped 360 degrees. There was so much pressure from the spinal fluid build up that a lot of it burst out and they were able to remove all of it. Though we had that amazing miracle, we still didn't know if he was paralyzed or not. Anyways, when I went into his room in the ICU he was so loopy. I remember our conversation so well.
Me: "Guess what, hub."
Jarrod: "huh"
Me: "Jesus took out all of your tumor! It's gone!
Jarrod: "are you serious?! Thank you,Jesus! Heavenly Father! You're so good. Jesus, Jesus. Thank Jesus. Thank you Jesus."
And then he broke out in song. I don't remember exactly what song it was but I remember it being a hymn which I've never heard him sing before. It was so sweet. Then he said, "I'M HUNGRY!" Was so funny. Now, all of this was slurred. I could barely understand him. Then he kept trying to say something to me. I couldn't figure it out for awhile. He couldn't move his hands or arms so he couldn't signal either. Finally I got it. He kept asking for me to scratch his nose. I did and he gave a huge sigh of relief. He said he had been trying and trying to ask the nurses to do it but they couldn't understand him. He said he was so frustrated. Then he said in his nail lady accent, "you want uppah lip wax?" And then went back to singing his hymn and thanking Jesus. It was hilarious. I remember laughing and crying at the same time.
Fast track three years later and he is STILL tumor free! He is getting stronger and getting more feeling back. He's still walking with a cane but he's a lot faster and stronger. Around the house he'll walk without his cane and only sometimes out in public. We also have THREE kids now. Our third is a little boy who we absolutely adore. He is almost 10 months old. His name is Joshua and looks just like his daddy. His sisters are also in love with him. Hannah is now 4 and Amariah is almost 3. Jarrod is working full time now with the same company. They continue to be so wonderful and supportive. Last weekend, I ran a half marathon as one of the ways to celebrate this third year. I have NEVER been a runner or even athletic in any way. I was always the little girl to get hit in the head with a ball in PE. Because Jarrod would always look at people running or doing some sort of sport (especially football) and would wish he could do it again, I was inspired to run FOR him. Football, not so much. I wouldn't want to embarrass him. Now running I could do so I did. I barely completed that half marathon but I did! Jarrod was so proud. It encouraged him to try to use his cane less.
As I sit and remember that crazy time in our life, I am reminded of how much Jesus blessed us and carried us through. As difficult as it was and still can be, we would never trade it for anything better. Of course we'd love for him to be 100% again but the experience of God's hand in our life has been priceless. He has always been faithful even when we have been faithless. Thank you, Lord for your grace in that. May you, Lord forever get the glory from our lives and our testimony. We would have NEVER made it without you. We are also so grateful for the many people He's placed in our lives to bless us in SO MANY different ways.
Happy 3 year anniversary, Jarrod! Youre another year stronger! I love you!!!!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
So many updates so little time...
LONG time no write! Me oh my has it been a long time since I've written. So much has happened since the last time I wrote. I probably should have read my last post before writing a new one but I figured I better just start writing or something or someone will interrupt.
I'll start from November of last year. Last November we celebrated Jarrod's one year since surgery. We put together a huge celebration of life party at our new church, Calvary Chapel Pomona Valley (oh wait, maybe I should have back tracked a little further. i'll get back to that). The turn out was awesome. So many people came. Jarrod and I made a slide show of the fundraiser, the day he went in for surgery, his hospital stay, my ginormous pregnant belly, his return home, the birth of Amariah, etc. It was a tear jerker--for me anyway. We were so blessed to have so many people come and celebrate with us. Knowing you're not alone through times like we've had makes these trials so much easier to walk through.
Now, on to our church change... My good friend invited me to attend her church's women's Bible study over the summer last year. Since Chino Hills wasn't doing one at the time, I decided to join. Her church also had a men's bible study class the same night so Jarrod went to that also. We still went to Chino HIlls on Sundays but started to consider Pomona because we started falling in love with the people there. With MUCH prayer we decided to try it out for a month and see where God led us. We stuck with it a month and made the change. We LOVE Chino Hills and LOVE everyone there. They have supported us and have helped carry us through our most difficult time. We love Pastor Jack and his teachings. We didn't leave because of any bad feelings. We just wanted to go somewhere smaller. There is such a family feel at Pomona. The four of us were welcomed with wide open arms and were made a part of the family right away. Chino Hills is so special to us and we still feel connected there but as of now God has us at Pomona and we're happy here too. I sing with my two good friends for the women's bible study and Jarrod is helping with their Tuesday night kid's club and Sunday morning parking lot ministry. Yeah that's right, parking lot ministry! Cane and all! I love that he's a part of that. He let's nothing stop him.
In January we celebrated Amariah's first birthday. We had a cute little breakfast buffet/cereal bar type party. She's our little sunshine so her bday theme was "You are my sunshine." The weather was gorgeous and our loved ones were there to celebrate with us. There was no fussing from our little fiesty firecracker that day and Hannah loved celebrating her sissy so it was a great 1st birthday for her. We also stopped her acid reflux medication around that time and she has been doing so well without it. I think she might have grown out of it, thank God. Jarrod also started back at work. The same company where he worked before surgery welcomed him back. They have been so amazing. They have done so much for our family. We are so grateful for them. He works three days a week there. He's been loving it. He is such a hard working man. He had been aching to go back since the day after surgery. He's the type of man that wants to work hard for his family to give us the best life possible so for him to not be able to work was a big struggle for him. He loves that he can now treat us out to dinner or bring me home some flowers.
He was doing outpatient therapy for a little bit but after about two months we realized it wasn't doing anything for him. They were more for people who sprained their ankle or was injured in a small accident. They weren't familiar with Jarrod's case and just wasn't the place for him to get closer to walking without a cane. We prayed and prayed about what to do and where to go. We have a friend at our bible study who is a...uhh...sport's rehab trainer(?) I have no clue what he's called but you get the idea. (Sorry Jordan!) He offered to work with Jarrod once a week. We love it because it's one on one, no co-pay, and Jarrod can get some fellowship in there at the same time. We're so blessed to have friends like that to support us and give us their time to help us. Who does that?! Maybe once or twice people help someone out but we've been getting continual support. That amazes me the most. I had a conversation with my neighbor about that awhile ago. In December, someone gave us a check for a very generous amount. I was telling my neighbor how shocked I was that people still think about us--that we're not forgotten. Her response brought tears to my eyes. She said "Because God hasn't forgotten." That's where all this love and support stems from--God alone. He hasn't forgotten us. So often people just get busy. Life gets in the way and you see people who had once gone through a difficult time start to live normally and you think "Okay, theyre good." It's sad but it's understandable. We do it too. God never forgets. He sees what the outside doesn't see. He sees that we still struggle. He sees that I still carry a lot on my shoulders. He sees the frustration Jarrod still goes through. He sees the hidden tears we still cry. He STILL comes through for us even when it looks okay on the outside. Thank you, Jesus.
February was pretty calm and quiet. Jarrod had an MRI scan that month that came back clean (YAY JESUS!). We also started to plan for our 6th year anniversary which was the next month.
March came and on the 2nd of that month we were hit with another whirlwind. Jarrod went to wake up Amariah that morning for breakfast and when he went in there he knew something was wrong. She was hunched over her legs laying limp. He picked her up and she was pale and not moving. I was in the bedroom changing out of my work clothes and he came in freaked out. I picked her up, she gasped for air, and started turning blue. I layed her down and stripped her naked and was ready to do CPR but she was breathing. I hate saying this but she looked like a dead body still breathing. She wasn't responding, crying, or moving. She was just blue, white, dry, and lifeless. We called 911 and our neighbors who work for the LAPD. All of a sudden the color started coming back and she started to respond to us. By the time the ambulance came, she was fine. The only thing different was she couldn't stand or walk. They wanted to take her to the hospital but we decided to take her ourselves to avoid the ambulance bill. We went to to the hospital, ran tests, and found nothing. They transferred us to Huntington Memorial Hospital--the same hospital Jarrod was at for a month. We stayed overnight so they could observe her and still found nothing. We saw a neurologist after that, had an EEG, and still nothing. 3 weeks went by and she had another episode. I called her primary care doctor this time to ask if i should go to the ER. He suggested to see him first just as long as she's breathing. We did and gave us an urgent referral to see a different neurologist. We saw him and liked him much better than the last neuro we saw. He was much more thorough, informative, and baby friendly. Since then we've had another EEG and will have to have an MRI which is scheduled for Friday, the 19th. Since she's still a baby she will have to be sedated for the MRI because she will need to be completely still.
When this first happened, I was in such...shock I guess you could say. I wasn't really worried or sad. I actually started to feel bad because I wasn't. I even said some things to a couple people as if i were worried because I felt bad that I really wasn't. Silly, I know. Then today when the hospital called to schedule the MRI, it became more real. I started to cry. I hate that my little baby has to go through all of this. When Jarrod went through it we could talk it out, pray, be encouraged but she can't understand what's going on and we can't explain anything to her. It kills me inside.
The other day I went on a run and was just praying about everything that's going on with Amariah. I asked for God to lessen the load a bit because it started feeling kinda heavy. Then I remembered Jarrod's scan that came back clean and thanked Him for it. Then I started remembering a list of things that have happened that I was thankful for and I realized all these things were God's way of "lessening the load." Then God spoke to my heart and said "I already lessened the load on the cross." AYE! MY HEART! It would have been more than enough if all God did was send His Son to die in my place so I could be free but He's done so much more than that! Jesus conquered death, gave the gift of salvation, AND THEN gave me life, an AMAZING husband, two beautiful girls, wonderful friends, and so much more. Those are all extras! I don't deserve ANY of that but He blessed me anyway because He loves me. Any trial that comes in between that is nothing compared to what I really deserve. These trials we've been getting hit with have been made so much smaller when I look at life in that perspective. It's so freeing. I feel like the load has been lifted. Now I'm trying to just enjoy all these "extra's" God has so blessed me with while I have them and taking these "hits" with His supernatural strength. There will be a day when there will be no "hits" and we can enjoy our blessings without them. That day will come soon enough. Until then may these trials continue to shape us and create in us character that a simple happy slappy day just can't do.
Amariah's MRI is next Friday. Please keep her and our family in your prayers. After the results come back from the MRI, we'll see the neurologist and he'll go over all the results. I'll kee ya posted. ;) There are lots more that has happened (good things) but I'll have to save that for the next post.
I'll start from November of last year. Last November we celebrated Jarrod's one year since surgery. We put together a huge celebration of life party at our new church, Calvary Chapel Pomona Valley (oh wait, maybe I should have back tracked a little further. i'll get back to that). The turn out was awesome. So many people came. Jarrod and I made a slide show of the fundraiser, the day he went in for surgery, his hospital stay, my ginormous pregnant belly, his return home, the birth of Amariah, etc. It was a tear jerker--for me anyway. We were so blessed to have so many people come and celebrate with us. Knowing you're not alone through times like we've had makes these trials so much easier to walk through.
Now, on to our church change... My good friend invited me to attend her church's women's Bible study over the summer last year. Since Chino Hills wasn't doing one at the time, I decided to join. Her church also had a men's bible study class the same night so Jarrod went to that also. We still went to Chino HIlls on Sundays but started to consider Pomona because we started falling in love with the people there. With MUCH prayer we decided to try it out for a month and see where God led us. We stuck with it a month and made the change. We LOVE Chino Hills and LOVE everyone there. They have supported us and have helped carry us through our most difficult time. We love Pastor Jack and his teachings. We didn't leave because of any bad feelings. We just wanted to go somewhere smaller. There is such a family feel at Pomona. The four of us were welcomed with wide open arms and were made a part of the family right away. Chino Hills is so special to us and we still feel connected there but as of now God has us at Pomona and we're happy here too. I sing with my two good friends for the women's bible study and Jarrod is helping with their Tuesday night kid's club and Sunday morning parking lot ministry. Yeah that's right, parking lot ministry! Cane and all! I love that he's a part of that. He let's nothing stop him.
In January we celebrated Amariah's first birthday. We had a cute little breakfast buffet/cereal bar type party. She's our little sunshine so her bday theme was "You are my sunshine." The weather was gorgeous and our loved ones were there to celebrate with us. There was no fussing from our little fiesty firecracker that day and Hannah loved celebrating her sissy so it was a great 1st birthday for her. We also stopped her acid reflux medication around that time and she has been doing so well without it. I think she might have grown out of it, thank God. Jarrod also started back at work. The same company where he worked before surgery welcomed him back. They have been so amazing. They have done so much for our family. We are so grateful for them. He works three days a week there. He's been loving it. He is such a hard working man. He had been aching to go back since the day after surgery. He's the type of man that wants to work hard for his family to give us the best life possible so for him to not be able to work was a big struggle for him. He loves that he can now treat us out to dinner or bring me home some flowers.
He was doing outpatient therapy for a little bit but after about two months we realized it wasn't doing anything for him. They were more for people who sprained their ankle or was injured in a small accident. They weren't familiar with Jarrod's case and just wasn't the place for him to get closer to walking without a cane. We prayed and prayed about what to do and where to go. We have a friend at our bible study who is a...uhh...sport's rehab trainer(?) I have no clue what he's called but you get the idea. (Sorry Jordan!) He offered to work with Jarrod once a week. We love it because it's one on one, no co-pay, and Jarrod can get some fellowship in there at the same time. We're so blessed to have friends like that to support us and give us their time to help us. Who does that?! Maybe once or twice people help someone out but we've been getting continual support. That amazes me the most. I had a conversation with my neighbor about that awhile ago. In December, someone gave us a check for a very generous amount. I was telling my neighbor how shocked I was that people still think about us--that we're not forgotten. Her response brought tears to my eyes. She said "Because God hasn't forgotten." That's where all this love and support stems from--God alone. He hasn't forgotten us. So often people just get busy. Life gets in the way and you see people who had once gone through a difficult time start to live normally and you think "Okay, theyre good." It's sad but it's understandable. We do it too. God never forgets. He sees what the outside doesn't see. He sees that we still struggle. He sees that I still carry a lot on my shoulders. He sees the frustration Jarrod still goes through. He sees the hidden tears we still cry. He STILL comes through for us even when it looks okay on the outside. Thank you, Jesus.
February was pretty calm and quiet. Jarrod had an MRI scan that month that came back clean (YAY JESUS!). We also started to plan for our 6th year anniversary which was the next month.
March came and on the 2nd of that month we were hit with another whirlwind. Jarrod went to wake up Amariah that morning for breakfast and when he went in there he knew something was wrong. She was hunched over her legs laying limp. He picked her up and she was pale and not moving. I was in the bedroom changing out of my work clothes and he came in freaked out. I picked her up, she gasped for air, and started turning blue. I layed her down and stripped her naked and was ready to do CPR but she was breathing. I hate saying this but she looked like a dead body still breathing. She wasn't responding, crying, or moving. She was just blue, white, dry, and lifeless. We called 911 and our neighbors who work for the LAPD. All of a sudden the color started coming back and she started to respond to us. By the time the ambulance came, she was fine. The only thing different was she couldn't stand or walk. They wanted to take her to the hospital but we decided to take her ourselves to avoid the ambulance bill. We went to to the hospital, ran tests, and found nothing. They transferred us to Huntington Memorial Hospital--the same hospital Jarrod was at for a month. We stayed overnight so they could observe her and still found nothing. We saw a neurologist after that, had an EEG, and still nothing. 3 weeks went by and she had another episode. I called her primary care doctor this time to ask if i should go to the ER. He suggested to see him first just as long as she's breathing. We did and gave us an urgent referral to see a different neurologist. We saw him and liked him much better than the last neuro we saw. He was much more thorough, informative, and baby friendly. Since then we've had another EEG and will have to have an MRI which is scheduled for Friday, the 19th. Since she's still a baby she will have to be sedated for the MRI because she will need to be completely still.
When this first happened, I was in such...shock I guess you could say. I wasn't really worried or sad. I actually started to feel bad because I wasn't. I even said some things to a couple people as if i were worried because I felt bad that I really wasn't. Silly, I know. Then today when the hospital called to schedule the MRI, it became more real. I started to cry. I hate that my little baby has to go through all of this. When Jarrod went through it we could talk it out, pray, be encouraged but she can't understand what's going on and we can't explain anything to her. It kills me inside.
The other day I went on a run and was just praying about everything that's going on with Amariah. I asked for God to lessen the load a bit because it started feeling kinda heavy. Then I remembered Jarrod's scan that came back clean and thanked Him for it. Then I started remembering a list of things that have happened that I was thankful for and I realized all these things were God's way of "lessening the load." Then God spoke to my heart and said "I already lessened the load on the cross." AYE! MY HEART! It would have been more than enough if all God did was send His Son to die in my place so I could be free but He's done so much more than that! Jesus conquered death, gave the gift of salvation, AND THEN gave me life, an AMAZING husband, two beautiful girls, wonderful friends, and so much more. Those are all extras! I don't deserve ANY of that but He blessed me anyway because He loves me. Any trial that comes in between that is nothing compared to what I really deserve. These trials we've been getting hit with have been made so much smaller when I look at life in that perspective. It's so freeing. I feel like the load has been lifted. Now I'm trying to just enjoy all these "extra's" God has so blessed me with while I have them and taking these "hits" with His supernatural strength. There will be a day when there will be no "hits" and we can enjoy our blessings without them. That day will come soon enough. Until then may these trials continue to shape us and create in us character that a simple happy slappy day just can't do.
Amariah's MRI is next Friday. Please keep her and our family in your prayers. After the results come back from the MRI, we'll see the neurologist and he'll go over all the results. I'll kee ya posted. ;) There are lots more that has happened (good things) but I'll have to save that for the next post.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Don't ever doubt God
The end of this month and the beginning of next is really rough financially. We're in a very weird spot right now. Jarrod cannot go back to work even if he could because we are still waiting for the approval of SSDI. We're collecting disability as of now and they will discontinue paying you if you go back to work. SSDI has a return to work program but they still haven't given us an approval or disapproval--it's been 4 months now. I also have not worked lately so there's been no extra income. It's been rough. We've been praying and waiting, praying and waiting. Nothing. We'd go through doubt and thoughts like "What are we doing wrong?!" I'd even think things like "Ok, God where are you? You said you'd take care of us and I'm still waiting." Ew, what a brat. Doesn't that sound so ugly?! I then realized I calculated things wrong and we were in even MORE need than I thought before. GREAT. I thought things would get better, not worse! We thought about doing a yard sale, selling things on Ebay, and tapping into our savings.We've been stressed about it and have tried to think of everything we could do. We even decided to have me go back to work M-F which is SUCH a difficult thing for me to do right now. I want to cry just thinking about it. I start Sep 5th but it won't be in enough time to pay the bills due before that paycheck. God's been speaking to us about seeking HIS kingdom and righteousness FIRST and everything we need will be taken care of. For me personally, He's been teaching me that it's NOT ABOUT ME. My daily prayer has been more of Him and less of ME. We get so caught up in ME, ME, ME. That's why we worry so much. We're too caught up in ourselves. I didn't think I was. I thought I had a justifiable excuse to worry. "Well, my family needs to eat. I need to pay the water bill so we have water to drink and be able to take baths." Jesus said: Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
You read that and it speaks to you for a minute. Then you remember your bills, gas to put in your car, food for your family, clothes for your constantly growing children, etc. and you doubt those words.
Jarrod received a call late last night that he missed. If any of you know Jarrod you know that he doesn't answer his phone or return phone calls. For some reason he called back this unknown number. It was a guy from men's ministry who wanted to know if he was going to come this morning to church. I don't think jarrod planned on going but because someone thought enough of him to call he decided to go. He came home from church a little late this morning but came back with an iced coffee and a card for ME. I opened the card and it was from Jarrod. It was a sweet lovey dovey card and at the end he put "God is faithful to provide. Thank you Jesus." Inside the envelope was a check for the EXACT amount we needed for the rest of August's bills. Hello, tears!
Being a Christian doesn't mean life becomes perfect and sweet and you turn into this positive little fairy. God even says he sends rain on the just and the unjust. BUT He promises to take care of His beloved children. He doesn't want us to be anxious and worried. He wants us to come to Him, give Him our worries, and trust Him that He will come through IN HIS TIMING.
I pray that I, WE never forget that He ALWAYS comes through for us. I pray that I stop myself when tempted to focus on ME again. He loves us more than we can even fathom.
You read that and it speaks to you for a minute. Then you remember your bills, gas to put in your car, food for your family, clothes for your constantly growing children, etc. and you doubt those words.
Jarrod received a call late last night that he missed. If any of you know Jarrod you know that he doesn't answer his phone or return phone calls. For some reason he called back this unknown number. It was a guy from men's ministry who wanted to know if he was going to come this morning to church. I don't think jarrod planned on going but because someone thought enough of him to call he decided to go. He came home from church a little late this morning but came back with an iced coffee and a card for ME. I opened the card and it was from Jarrod. It was a sweet lovey dovey card and at the end he put "God is faithful to provide. Thank you Jesus." Inside the envelope was a check for the EXACT amount we needed for the rest of August's bills. Hello, tears!
Being a Christian doesn't mean life becomes perfect and sweet and you turn into this positive little fairy. God even says he sends rain on the just and the unjust. BUT He promises to take care of His beloved children. He doesn't want us to be anxious and worried. He wants us to come to Him, give Him our worries, and trust Him that He will come through IN HIS TIMING.
I pray that I, WE never forget that He ALWAYS comes through for us. I pray that I stop myself when tempted to focus on ME again. He loves us more than we can even fathom.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Unexpected Tears
Today was a busy day. This morning we drove to Brea to get the hand controls installed in our car (WOOHOO!). We waited a good 4 hours but it was oh so worth it. Jarrod can't legally drive it yet though. He needs to take the DMV tests first. He had a hearing with a DMV officer on Monday where he basically had to tell and show them he is who he says he is and that he is telling the truth about his condition. Right, like anyone would gain anything by lying about a story like this. After that we had a check up with his neurosurgeon. I really just expected to go in and go out like we do at most of his appointments. I was actually annoyed because the doctor had a student "surgeon(?)" with him, following him around. She kept nodding her head and saying "absolutely" when there was no reason for that adverb. I started spacing out as they were speaking in doctor tongue and I had a flashback of the first time we sat in that room. I remembered the anxiety we felt of not knowing what to expect and not even knowing what exactly was wrong with Jarrod. I remembered the shock that hit us when he said "malignant tumor." I remember the uncontrollable tears that bursted out when I saw my husband, my best friend, and my rock cry and ask questions like "Is this cancer? Am I going to be paralyzed?" I remembered the fear that made me feel like throwing up. I remembered the sadness. There we were 8 months later with the same surgeon that brought us the devastating news now saying "The recent MRI has no sign of tumor and everything looks great." Jarrod even asked him how he thinks his progression is going and he responded by saying "Well look at you--you're walking. You're doing great." He's walking. I felt a tidal wave of tears well up and try to burst it's way through but I was fighting it. I saved it for the car ride ride home. My walking miracle is walking with a cane, yes, but his legs are mobile and he is getting stronger. The surgeon couldn't guarantee us that in that first meeting. He couldn't guarantee he would be able to take out all of the tumor, or if he would make it out alive, or if he would become a paraplegic or not, or if it would ever come back--NOTHING. There he was standing upright with his cane against the wall, listening to the words "No sign of tumor." I did not expect to get this emotional. It was just a check up. I was reminded again of how serious this really is. You almost forget about it as you get busy with daily life. I was reminded of where we could have been. I was reminded of God's faithfulness and incredible grace to spare us from living a much more difficult life and sparing ME from being alone. I was reminded of the miracle. I was reminded of my husband's attitude to fight hard. I was reminded of how God and our surgeon changed our lives forever. We are loved by an incredible God who continues to prove Himself and His love for us through His miracles, His grace, His mysterious way of turning our sadness into joy, and through wonderful people who continue to love on us. We're more than grateful for where we are right now. I'm so glad I didn't walk out of that doctors office the same busy Nicole. I'm glad I was REMINDED to appreciate life, God, and the gracious treasures He has lovingly given us. Help me Lord to never forget this. 
Sunday, July 15, 2012
God lovingly provides
"He loves us. Ohhhh how he loves us. Ohhhh how he loves us. Ohhhh how he loooooves..." That song continues to play over and over in my head. God again has shown His faithfulness by giving us the finances to get the hand controls installed in our car. He never gets tired of taking care of us. Originally we just wanted it to help Jarrod gain more independence, go back to work, and to take himself to his appointments. I didn't realize exactly what God did when He gave us the last amount needed to reach the goal.
We had several hundred to go and the fundraising site had been quiet for a few days. Honestly, I was starting to think it just wasn't time yet. Today when we received the amount needed, I broke down and just cried. I felt like a GIGANTIC weight was lifted off my shoulders. It may not seem like a huge deal but for me driving is just not my friend. Before the surgery, the only time I would really drive is around town and maybe to the beach. Otherwise Jarrod ALWAYS drove. I get road rage and anxiety when I drive. It's really very stressful for me. Plus, even just getting the family out the door to start doesn't help set the mood for my driving experience. We're late to everything we go to which adds to the stress as well. Long drives home are awful because after a long day at wherever we're at the girls fall asleep in the car which gives them energy when we stop and I want to nap. I didn't realize how much driving really affected me until we received that last amount needed for Jarrod's hand controls. I would pray for the hand controls for JARROD. God oh so lovingly gave me a huge embrace saying "Nicole, just come to me. I know even without you telling me that you've been weary and burdened. I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28). And here is where I cry and the guitar starts to play and we sing "He loves us. Ohhhh how He loves us..."
Thank you, Jesus.
We also want to thank those of you who have prayed for us and who have contributed. We are MORE than grateful for you. You have blessed us more than we can describe. Your support, friendship, and prayers are so treasured. We love you!
We had several hundred to go and the fundraising site had been quiet for a few days. Honestly, I was starting to think it just wasn't time yet. Today when we received the amount needed, I broke down and just cried. I felt like a GIGANTIC weight was lifted off my shoulders. It may not seem like a huge deal but for me driving is just not my friend. Before the surgery, the only time I would really drive is around town and maybe to the beach. Otherwise Jarrod ALWAYS drove. I get road rage and anxiety when I drive. It's really very stressful for me. Plus, even just getting the family out the door to start doesn't help set the mood for my driving experience. We're late to everything we go to which adds to the stress as well. Long drives home are awful because after a long day at wherever we're at the girls fall asleep in the car which gives them energy when we stop and I want to nap. I didn't realize how much driving really affected me until we received that last amount needed for Jarrod's hand controls. I would pray for the hand controls for JARROD. God oh so lovingly gave me a huge embrace saying "Nicole, just come to me. I know even without you telling me that you've been weary and burdened. I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28). And here is where I cry and the guitar starts to play and we sing "He loves us. Ohhhh how He loves us..."
Thank you, Jesus.
We also want to thank those of you who have prayed for us and who have contributed. We are MORE than grateful for you. You have blessed us more than we can describe. Your support, friendship, and prayers are so treasured. We love you!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
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