Wow! 2 posts in one week!! Just wanted to post an update and prayer request. On Wednesday we went to our out of pocket consultation at City of Hope. We were first told by the lady at admissions to try to talk to the financial advisor about getting on some kind of program or charity to pay for treatment there. Our original plan was to just get the consultation and take the recommendations to the radiation/oncologist that our insurance does cover. Unfortunately, the financial advisor told us that the type of radiation and the place it would be done at is far too expensive to be able to go on any kind of program. She said our best bet is to do what we originally planned. We were very bummed to hear that because we haven't felt comfortable with the R/O our insurance allows. He was a great doctor and very nice but is not familiar with Jarrod's type of tumor and has only dealt with a couple of cases that had to deal with the spine. I'll come back to this next part after I tell you about our appt.
It was so strange being there at City of Hope--seeing all the people with cancer who have no hair and some wearing face masks. It really hit me being there. I was really creeped out and couldn't believe we actually had to be in a place like that. It made me cry a little. The R/O gave us A LOT of info that we weren't quite ready to absorb. Nothing too bad but it just hit us again about our new reality. We kind of forgot about it since he's been home. We've been so busy with the kids, daily life, therapy, and everything else that we haven't even given thought to the "MALIGNANT" tumor and everything that comes with it. The risks of this or that and the chances of this or that. We were yet again hit by that painful 2x4 of reality. Ew. On the other hand the doctor did seem very positive and gave us the impression that we are on the better side of the scale. We try to remember that part and not focus on all the "what if's." We do understand things could be a whole lot worse but it's just a frightening thing to even have to make that part of our discussions. We'd REALLY like to have treatment there at City of Hope. The doctor we saw specializes in the spinal area and has done it numerous times. He even said that he just saw a patient with a similar story for his 5 year check up and is now doing GREAT. Unfortunately our insurance will NOT or at least HAS NOT given us the approval to go there.
Today we saw Jarrod's primary physician to get a referral for another MRI (to confirm there is no new growth) and a spinal tap (to check if there's anything in the spinal fluid). We told her about our appt and our uneasy feeling about the doctor we would be seeing that our insurance did approve us for. She was concerned about our uneasiness and said that she would talk to the head of the HMO group (? Not sure of the terminology) and make sure we do get authorized for City of Hope. She said she would not stop hounding until everything is all settled with our case and we finally get the ball on the roll. We were so happy to hear that. It was so nice to have someone fight for us like that. Please pray that God continues to direct us. Pray that the primary physician's efforts to get us authorized for City of Hope would be blessed. Pray for comfort as we go through this as it is scary and new for us.
I will keep you posted as to what happens. We should hear by Tuesday. On a very happy note, as some of you saw on my Facebook page Jarrod took some steps yesterday WITHOUT the walker. He walked from one side of the room to the couch, turned around and went back. I didn't expect him to turn around. I thought he'd just plop on the couch but nope, he kept going! To top that off he walked up and down some stairs today at the doctor's office. He passed the handicap ramp and decided to just try the stairs. It was a very exciting moment for us. I'm so proud of his accomplishments this week. This new confidence he has is just BEAMING. I'm so proud of him. He continues pressing on...
:)
Friday, March 23, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
4 months
It's been 4 months since Jarrod's surgery. I can't believe that much time has flown by since. I remember before his surgery when we first found out about Jarrod's tumor, I was a wreck. I didn't know how I would cope with everything. My biggest fear had always been something happening to my husband. I never thought that fear would become my reality. You don't think these kind of things would happen to YOU. You can imagine it for other people. It only happens to OTHER people--not you.
When Amariah was born it only got worse. She cried ALL the time. It seemed she never slept. Then Hannah got sick with extremely hugh fevers.Then Hannah stopped sleeping through the night and has been waking up more than the baby. I would pray and pray and pray even more but NOTHING would happen. I got to the point where I was mad at God. I recited his promises in my prayers and challenged Him. Still nothing. I was so upset with him. As if it's not hard enough managing our new life with Jarrod in his position, things had to be more chaotic with a newborn that screams and cries all day and night and a whiney needy toddler who won't sleep at night anymore. I've been drained--almost empty. I kept thinking I would die of exhaustion and irritability. Then one night when I woke up to tend to Hannah's cries and feed the baby, I realized I was filled with peace. I was waiting for a bomb to slip out of my mouth or me pulling out my hair but it didn't happen. I had a peace that I just cant explain. Days went on and that peace continued. It was still difficult don't get me wrong. I was just experiencing that common verse that every Christian recites but you never really "feel" until you go through a trial you can't manage: "Philippians 4:7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I still want to pull my hair out at times or crawl in a hole and just cry but that special peace helps me get through the day or gets me through seconds and moments at a time throughout each day. Some people will use that "Christianese" talk and tell you "everything is going to be alright because Jesus loves you." Honestly that bugs the heck out of me because sometimes it's not going to be alright and you do struggle but that's when you come to the end of yourself and Christ can come through. Sometimes He does make things all better in an instant but sometimes He let's us wait and just gives us the strength we need to just get through that day. After my long battle with God and my "Why are you being so mean?!" convos with Him, I've come to fall more in love with Him. I see Him working even if it is quietly and not so "show-offy." Just last week I had one of the worst nights and mornings. The social worker from Jarrod's rehab group (which I'll tell u about later) was to show early that morning. I wanted him to cancel but she wouldn't. When she came she told me to do what I wanted--run, shop, nap, whatever while she helped Jarrod watch the girls. I debated whether I should sleep or run. I felt I needed to run off my frustrations. I ran the trails by my house. I haven't ran in like 7 years so I was wearing out fast. I stopped midway and there just so happened to be a nice little bench underneath a large shady tree. I sat to catch my breath and just cry out everything I had been feeling. I turn my head and what is laying beside me? A little orange Gideon BIBLE! I thought "ok God, you're funny." I opened it up and there's a topical index. I looked up "stress" and turned to the first verse it brought up and read the whole chapter. The whole chapter spoke straight to my heart but the part that hit the most was the verse that has been popping up everywhere and blessing me which is "Psalms 27:13-14 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!"
I was so refreshed! I had such a nice intimate time with the Lord. He totally rejuvenated me and gave me that umph I needed to keep me going--and not just going but going with joy. It still is challenging. He hasn't taken away the problems but He has helped me through them and through it strengthened me and gave me ENDURANCE.
Now onto my update...
Jarrod has an appointment with City of Hope this Wednesday. We didn't have the $700.00 at first but God came through and gave us more than we needed. The person that passed it along to us from whoever it was from said "Don't doubt your God." Also Jarrod is now seeing a different rehab group. They specialize in neurological cases. They send out a group that consists of a physical therapist, occupational therapist, and a social worker. We LOVE them! They have been pushing Jarrod and really working him hard. It's built up his confidence and endurance. I see a new man. He became stagnant after awhile and almost depressed because of it but with this new team they have totally brought him back up. He is walking so much more now (with the walker). They're also doing things like taking him to the grocery store and teaching him to use the cart and go shopping on his own. When they came back they even had him put the food away. Tomorrow they will be taking him to the gym to show him exercises he can do other than swimming. We're so excited about his new level of progress and mind set even.
I took Amariah to the doctor to find out about her crying and throwing up. The doctor prescribed Zantac and since then has been crying a lot less. She sleeps between 4-6 hours at night. Hannah still has been waking up about 3 times throughout the night crying. We can't figure out what is wrong nor how to stop it. She's been a perfect baby since she was 7 weeks old. Always preferred to be by herself in her crib. Now she can't be alone at night. I even made a little set up for me beside her bed so when she cries at night I just go there and stay til she falls asleep again and I go back to my room. Pray for her. We've tried everything. We've tried music, a night light, I read to her and pray with her, put up pictures of us by her bed. Nothing has worked yet. Pray for her and us about this. We don't believe in sharing the bed with our kids nor separating and having me sleep in her room.
Other than those few bumps we are doing well. A lot of people seem to think we should be staying home all day everyday but we've done the opposite. We're back at church. Jarrod's been going to men's bible study. We all go out grocery shopping, take our girls to the park, hang out with friends--individually and together, go to restaurants, etc. We're just enjoying this season of all of us being together and taking advantage of it while we can. Jarrod is such a hard worker and provider that now that he's being forced down we have to soak it up. I know the minute he's better he'll be back to working hard for his family. That's just the manliness in him.
OH! And we just celebrated our 5 year anniversary. Again God provided and we were blessed with a nice little getaway to a very nice hotel in Dana Point. We stayed at the Laguna Cliffs where we had an ocean view, free valet, and free parking (which is normally an outrageous amount of $29.00!). We really wanted to just sleep the whole time but we went out for a nice dinner and then dessert at their "lounge." It was so wonderful. We reconnected and got to spend quality time together. Even though we see each other everyday we don't get that quality time because we're so busy with rehab, the kids, phone calls, and the regular things that need to get done. I felt like we were dating again with that mushy gushy feeling.
Hopefully it won't be so long before I can update again. Thank you to the ones who are still praying, still thinking about us, still sending us gifts and diapers, still blessing us financially, and still caring.
When Amariah was born it only got worse. She cried ALL the time. It seemed she never slept. Then Hannah got sick with extremely hugh fevers.Then Hannah stopped sleeping through the night and has been waking up more than the baby. I would pray and pray and pray even more but NOTHING would happen. I got to the point where I was mad at God. I recited his promises in my prayers and challenged Him. Still nothing. I was so upset with him. As if it's not hard enough managing our new life with Jarrod in his position, things had to be more chaotic with a newborn that screams and cries all day and night and a whiney needy toddler who won't sleep at night anymore. I've been drained--almost empty. I kept thinking I would die of exhaustion and irritability. Then one night when I woke up to tend to Hannah's cries and feed the baby, I realized I was filled with peace. I was waiting for a bomb to slip out of my mouth or me pulling out my hair but it didn't happen. I had a peace that I just cant explain. Days went on and that peace continued. It was still difficult don't get me wrong. I was just experiencing that common verse that every Christian recites but you never really "feel" until you go through a trial you can't manage: "Philippians 4:7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I still want to pull my hair out at times or crawl in a hole and just cry but that special peace helps me get through the day or gets me through seconds and moments at a time throughout each day. Some people will use that "Christianese" talk and tell you "everything is going to be alright because Jesus loves you." Honestly that bugs the heck out of me because sometimes it's not going to be alright and you do struggle but that's when you come to the end of yourself and Christ can come through. Sometimes He does make things all better in an instant but sometimes He let's us wait and just gives us the strength we need to just get through that day. After my long battle with God and my "Why are you being so mean?!" convos with Him, I've come to fall more in love with Him. I see Him working even if it is quietly and not so "show-offy." Just last week I had one of the worst nights and mornings. The social worker from Jarrod's rehab group (which I'll tell u about later) was to show early that morning. I wanted him to cancel but she wouldn't. When she came she told me to do what I wanted--run, shop, nap, whatever while she helped Jarrod watch the girls. I debated whether I should sleep or run. I felt I needed to run off my frustrations. I ran the trails by my house. I haven't ran in like 7 years so I was wearing out fast. I stopped midway and there just so happened to be a nice little bench underneath a large shady tree. I sat to catch my breath and just cry out everything I had been feeling. I turn my head and what is laying beside me? A little orange Gideon BIBLE! I thought "ok God, you're funny." I opened it up and there's a topical index. I looked up "stress" and turned to the first verse it brought up and read the whole chapter. The whole chapter spoke straight to my heart but the part that hit the most was the verse that has been popping up everywhere and blessing me which is "Psalms 27:13-14 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!"
I was so refreshed! I had such a nice intimate time with the Lord. He totally rejuvenated me and gave me that umph I needed to keep me going--and not just going but going with joy. It still is challenging. He hasn't taken away the problems but He has helped me through them and through it strengthened me and gave me ENDURANCE.
Now onto my update...
Jarrod has an appointment with City of Hope this Wednesday. We didn't have the $700.00 at first but God came through and gave us more than we needed. The person that passed it along to us from whoever it was from said "Don't doubt your God." Also Jarrod is now seeing a different rehab group. They specialize in neurological cases. They send out a group that consists of a physical therapist, occupational therapist, and a social worker. We LOVE them! They have been pushing Jarrod and really working him hard. It's built up his confidence and endurance. I see a new man. He became stagnant after awhile and almost depressed because of it but with this new team they have totally brought him back up. He is walking so much more now (with the walker). They're also doing things like taking him to the grocery store and teaching him to use the cart and go shopping on his own. When they came back they even had him put the food away. Tomorrow they will be taking him to the gym to show him exercises he can do other than swimming. We're so excited about his new level of progress and mind set even.
I took Amariah to the doctor to find out about her crying and throwing up. The doctor prescribed Zantac and since then has been crying a lot less. She sleeps between 4-6 hours at night. Hannah still has been waking up about 3 times throughout the night crying. We can't figure out what is wrong nor how to stop it. She's been a perfect baby since she was 7 weeks old. Always preferred to be by herself in her crib. Now she can't be alone at night. I even made a little set up for me beside her bed so when she cries at night I just go there and stay til she falls asleep again and I go back to my room. Pray for her. We've tried everything. We've tried music, a night light, I read to her and pray with her, put up pictures of us by her bed. Nothing has worked yet. Pray for her and us about this. We don't believe in sharing the bed with our kids nor separating and having me sleep in her room.
Other than those few bumps we are doing well. A lot of people seem to think we should be staying home all day everyday but we've done the opposite. We're back at church. Jarrod's been going to men's bible study. We all go out grocery shopping, take our girls to the park, hang out with friends--individually and together, go to restaurants, etc. We're just enjoying this season of all of us being together and taking advantage of it while we can. Jarrod is such a hard worker and provider that now that he's being forced down we have to soak it up. I know the minute he's better he'll be back to working hard for his family. That's just the manliness in him.
OH! And we just celebrated our 5 year anniversary. Again God provided and we were blessed with a nice little getaway to a very nice hotel in Dana Point. We stayed at the Laguna Cliffs where we had an ocean view, free valet, and free parking (which is normally an outrageous amount of $29.00!). We really wanted to just sleep the whole time but we went out for a nice dinner and then dessert at their "lounge." It was so wonderful. We reconnected and got to spend quality time together. Even though we see each other everyday we don't get that quality time because we're so busy with rehab, the kids, phone calls, and the regular things that need to get done. I felt like we were dating again with that mushy gushy feeling.
Hopefully it won't be so long before I can update again. Thank you to the ones who are still praying, still thinking about us, still sending us gifts and diapers, still blessing us financially, and still caring.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
No world record
This post will be a little short. I finally have a few minutes to write a quick update. Well, as my title says I did not make it in the Guinness Book of World Records as the first woman to be pregnant forever. Baby Amariah Faith was born January 8th at 11:18am. She weighed 7lbs and 2oz and was 20in long. God blessed all of our prayers and allowed me to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I was in labor for 12 hours and pushed for 18 minutes. At 10cm I had to hold her in because the doctor was not there yet. His tire popped on the way to the hospital! I held her in for about 50min. It sounds bad but it actually helped the pushing go much quicker and smoother. Amariah is a very strong and healthy baby girl. Her heart rate was great, she was born pink as can be--no jaundice, and has caught on to breast feeding very well. I was worried about Hannah being jealous about the new baby but she has not shown any jealousy at all. She's been more of a helper. She loves to get out the wipes and diapers when I change her. She also loves to tickle her sister's feet. She is so cute with her. The first week, Hannah had a very high fever that lasted 7 days. It peaked at 105.3. It was so scary. We went to her doctor's office three times that week. She is doing well now and is her happy bouncy self again. Her appetite is a little less so please keep that in prayer.
Jarrod is doing well. Last week, the four of us took a field trip to Jarrod's neurosurgeon's office...IN THE RAIN. I was so proud that I remembered to pack everything and get everyone in the car only to find out I forgot the umbrella. It was crazy getting everyone out of the car and back in. I actually enjoyed the challenge though. Anyways, we got his MRI results back and there is no tumor, no new growth, and the spinal fluid is now flowing. We wanted to do cartwheels in the hall. He still needs to undergo radiation to kill the cells we cannot see. We are just trying to find an oncologist/radiation specialist that we feel comfortable with. Since Jarrod's tumor is so rare there are not many people if any at all that are familiar with his case. The person we saw last month did not make us feel comfortable. His neurosurgeon referred him to USC but our insurance denied it. We can file an appeal but it could take up to a month to hear back from them and they will most likely deny it again since the doctor we saw feels he can take care of Jarrod. One of our pastors who had cancer and went through treatment referred us to City of Hope. Our insurance doesn't cover us there so for just a consultation is $700.00 and that doctor may not be familiar with Jarrod's case either. Keep this in your prayers as well please. We need guidance and wisdom as to what to do and where to go. Other than that he's doing great. We went to the gym the other day and he went swimming. He practiced walking in the pool and did a lot of exercises with his legs since the water makes it easier. I noticed a HUGE difference in the way he walked afterwards. He had a physical therapy session that day and the therapist even noticed a difference. We now plan to go to the gym as many days as we can during the week. OH! On Monday his physical therapist had him walk about 12-15 feet without the walker. He stood right behind him with his arms out ready to catch him if he started to fall but Jarrod did it! I'm so proud of him-- not just of his progress but also of his good attitude and determination. How easily he could sulk and give up trying. Not him. He's not giving into that. Of course it's through Christ's strength that he has been able to stay positive and determined. He does go through those low moments where you just want to ask "WHY ME?!" but it never lasts long. We don't see him as a handicap. He manages perfectly well. Sometimes he'll feel bad for not being able to help me as much with the babies and around the house but really if he were 100% then he would be even less help because he would be at work.
Anyways, things are going well here. It's crazy but we're managing well--all by God's grace! I thought this post would be short but I couldn't resist details. I'll attach some pictures for you to see...
Jarrod is doing well. Last week, the four of us took a field trip to Jarrod's neurosurgeon's office...IN THE RAIN. I was so proud that I remembered to pack everything and get everyone in the car only to find out I forgot the umbrella. It was crazy getting everyone out of the car and back in. I actually enjoyed the challenge though. Anyways, we got his MRI results back and there is no tumor, no new growth, and the spinal fluid is now flowing. We wanted to do cartwheels in the hall. He still needs to undergo radiation to kill the cells we cannot see. We are just trying to find an oncologist/radiation specialist that we feel comfortable with. Since Jarrod's tumor is so rare there are not many people if any at all that are familiar with his case. The person we saw last month did not make us feel comfortable. His neurosurgeon referred him to USC but our insurance denied it. We can file an appeal but it could take up to a month to hear back from them and they will most likely deny it again since the doctor we saw feels he can take care of Jarrod. One of our pastors who had cancer and went through treatment referred us to City of Hope. Our insurance doesn't cover us there so for just a consultation is $700.00 and that doctor may not be familiar with Jarrod's case either. Keep this in your prayers as well please. We need guidance and wisdom as to what to do and where to go. Other than that he's doing great. We went to the gym the other day and he went swimming. He practiced walking in the pool and did a lot of exercises with his legs since the water makes it easier. I noticed a HUGE difference in the way he walked afterwards. He had a physical therapy session that day and the therapist even noticed a difference. We now plan to go to the gym as many days as we can during the week. OH! On Monday his physical therapist had him walk about 12-15 feet without the walker. He stood right behind him with his arms out ready to catch him if he started to fall but Jarrod did it! I'm so proud of him-- not just of his progress but also of his good attitude and determination. How easily he could sulk and give up trying. Not him. He's not giving into that. Of course it's through Christ's strength that he has been able to stay positive and determined. He does go through those low moments where you just want to ask "WHY ME?!" but it never lasts long. We don't see him as a handicap. He manages perfectly well. Sometimes he'll feel bad for not being able to help me as much with the babies and around the house but really if he were 100% then he would be even less help because he would be at work.
Anyways, things are going well here. It's crazy but we're managing well--all by God's grace! I thought this post would be short but I couldn't resist details. I'll attach some pictures for you to see...
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
2 weeks since Jarrod's been home
It has been 2 weeks since Jarrod's been home. We're so thankful he came home in time for Christmas. We have enjoyed every moment together. We thought we were going to need a lot of help with him being home but he has done an amazing job adapting to our new normal. Since he's been home, he's been taking showers without anyone hovering over him like they did at the hospital, he's made me breakfast, he's barbecued, we did a little bit of Christmas shopping, and other things here and there. Did I mention he's building up one heck of an upper body? He looks incredible. That tumor really sucked the life out of him. Since that tumor has been removed he has gained weight, muscle, and even color. A physical therapist has also been coming to the house twice a week to work with him. Jarrod has made great progress with him. He was even able to take 3 steps without holding on to the walker. He still has the shaking in his legs every once in awhile but that just comes with the nerves having to regenerate, heal, and learn to work together. That will take time. Time. Oh, time. Learning to live with how fast and slow it goes at the same time can be frustrating. Patience is another thing that is not much fun to learn. We are right in the middle of those two lessons of time and patience. I don't like it. Right as we are learning to enjoy our new way of life we get hit with those oh so fun contractions. I am so glad I am having them without my water being broken like it did with Hannah. This means I have a better chance for a VBAC. I just didnt think it would take SOOO long. I've been having contractions since 5 am yesterday. I saw my doctor and I haven't dilated yet but he said that I am extremely close. He estimates within the next couple days. Last night we had absolutely no sleep because my contractions were coming every 5-10 min the ENTIRE night. Still no baby. I bet I'm going to be the first woman in the Guiness Book Of World Records to be pregnant forever. Time is now slow but too fast at night and we can't get sleep. Patience, again. Even as I sit here annoyed and complaining, I am at the same time still so grateful. I am loving that my best friend is finally home with me. I am so happy that I'm not going through this alone. I still wouldn't have been alone even if he weren't here because we have so many awesome people in our lives supporting us but it's still so much nicer when it's with your best friend and soul mate. In a way, we're actually blessed to be going through this time right now. If all of this didn't happen Jarrod wouldn't be able to share these horrible contractions with me, he wouldn't be able to stay with me for more than a week after giving birth, he wouldn't be able to experience watching every little growth spurt or milestone of our babies. He will eventually heal completely and go back to work but he'll get to experience more than what he would have. We are loving it and taking full advantage of this time together. Thank you all for your prayers, support, financial blessings, and gifts. Hopefully soon my next post will have a picture of the four of us and you will NOT see me in the Guiness Book of World Records. ;)
Friday, December 30, 2011
Some pics since Jarrod's been home
Since I haven't had much time to update, thought I'd post some pictures real quick. Update soon to come...
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
In the middle of an uphill road
I apologize for not being consistent with my updates. Time just seems to go way too fast.
Jarrod is making incredible progress. I don't even know where to begin. He is now able to get off his bed to his walker or wheelchair without using his upper body strength or even by holding on with his hands. He is now able to use his leg strength. He wheels around the halls like he's training for the Olympics. He's also been WALKING the halls with his walker. Before, the physical therapist had to hold on to him a bit but she is now able to let him do it. He still gets very tired from walking that distance but he is becoming more and more indpendent. They even put a sign on his door telling the nurses that they can allow him to walk/wheel to his bathroom. His left leg is still a bit weaker than his right. It shakes a bit when he puts pressure on his left foot. He's also having a bit of a struggle with figuring out how to move his hips as he walks. It's amazing how you don't realize how much of your body you actually use to do simple things such as walking. Keep those things in your prayers. Your prayers are being heard and are totally being blessed. Jarrod is making great improvements. I see us so close to the top of that hill. You know what happens when you get to the top though, right? You celebrate your accomplishment and WHOOOSH you slide back down. That slide down is coming quick! Jarrod will be discharged on Tuesday the 20th (YAY before Christmas!) but don't think we'll be resting when that happens. He'll have to immediately start radiation everyday and rehab 3 times a week. Hi, did I mention I'm about 20 months pregnant? I also have to see my doctor once a week until the baby comes. It is going to get CRAZY over here.
We ARE so thankful though that baby Amariah is still nice and cozy in my belly. She's not out yet. We thought she would be because of how busy I have been and how much I am on my feet. I saw the doctor today and I am not dialated yet. I'm about 50% effaced but cervix is still closed. She's waiting for daddy to come home. She's just not waiting patiently. She's been throwing little fits in here, hurting mommy because she wants OUT. I think she's also trying to tell mama to REST. Everyone is telling me to rest. God is telling me to rest. Am I listening? No. How can I?! There's too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. Yes, i need to learn to let people help and I have been a good girl and have. It's not easy but I really have no choice. It has been such a blessing actually to have so many people be willing and able to help. It's like God attached 20 more hands and feet to my body. There are things though that I've held on to and haven't let people do. Sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself (it's really not but I haven't admitted it to myself yet, sssh). I had a bit of a melt down yesterday. I was just overwhelmed. I was crying out to God, just telling him I want REST. I NEED rest. Sometimes I feel as though I have to help people help me which makes it more difficult and I don't really get that rest. I told the Lord I want REAL rest, not the "answer 50 million phone calls and make another 50 million phone calls and schedule this or that and do this or that" kind of rest. That has been my "rest" lately and I'm not a fan of it. I kept saying. "ok God, you said 'Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest'. Well, i'm still waiting. Make it happen, Lord. You're the one that said it."
What a brat I am. I received a phone call today from a man from the men's ministry at church. He and another man from church wanted to come over to check out our house and see what we would need for Jarrod when he comes home. This man has been in a wheel chair since he was 15 years old. He wanted to bless us and point out to the other man who worked in construction for over 25 years what we would need. He wanted to know a good time for them to come over and I mentioned I had a doctor's appointment today so it would have to be after then. He then wanted to pray for me. Now, I have never met this man. He didn't know who I was. I didn't vomit my life story on him or even give him a hint of what I've been feeling inside. All he knew was I was the wife of a guy from church who just had surgery and can't quite walk yet. He prayed for my appointment that it would go well, of course but then he went in a different direction. He then started to pray that I wouldn't worry anymore and to trust in Jehovah Jireh (GOD PROVIDER), Jehovah Rafa(sp?) (GOD HEALER). He prayed that I would REST in Christ. He prayed that I would "seek FIRST his kingdom and righteousness" and all the things I've been worrying about would be taken care of. He prayed that my day would so be filled with the love and joy of Jesus. His prayer was PERFECT. I couldn't help but cry. It was exactly what I needed. It was the prayer I needed. I also needed that little spanking of remembering to "seek HIS kingdom and righteousness FIRST." THAT is why I haven't been getting the rest I so desperately need. I've been too busy thinking about what needs to get done, making lists of this and that, going here, going there, spending time with Hannah, spending time with Jarrod, etc etc etc. I have my quick little prayer/Bible time when I wake up and before I go to bed but I haven't had that deep intimate time with the Lord where I just REST in him and just soak up His peace. I've been too much of a Martha and not a Mary. For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, read Luke 10:38-42. It's in the New Testament in the Holy Bible. Great story, please read it.
REST. Something so needed and wanted but something extremely difficult to genuinely do. Who thought that would be one of my biggest challenges? It's a hard one to learn. I'm getting there. I still need that slap with a ruler occassionally, which I have been getting with these pains from the baby and loved ones giving me that look of disapproval.
It's almost midnight and I need to get some REST for my new day tomorrow of learning how to REST (and still get things done at the same time...I'm such a human).
Jarrod is making incredible progress. I don't even know where to begin. He is now able to get off his bed to his walker or wheelchair without using his upper body strength or even by holding on with his hands. He is now able to use his leg strength. He wheels around the halls like he's training for the Olympics. He's also been WALKING the halls with his walker. Before, the physical therapist had to hold on to him a bit but she is now able to let him do it. He still gets very tired from walking that distance but he is becoming more and more indpendent. They even put a sign on his door telling the nurses that they can allow him to walk/wheel to his bathroom. His left leg is still a bit weaker than his right. It shakes a bit when he puts pressure on his left foot. He's also having a bit of a struggle with figuring out how to move his hips as he walks. It's amazing how you don't realize how much of your body you actually use to do simple things such as walking. Keep those things in your prayers. Your prayers are being heard and are totally being blessed. Jarrod is making great improvements. I see us so close to the top of that hill. You know what happens when you get to the top though, right? You celebrate your accomplishment and WHOOOSH you slide back down. That slide down is coming quick! Jarrod will be discharged on Tuesday the 20th (YAY before Christmas!) but don't think we'll be resting when that happens. He'll have to immediately start radiation everyday and rehab 3 times a week. Hi, did I mention I'm about 20 months pregnant? I also have to see my doctor once a week until the baby comes. It is going to get CRAZY over here.
We ARE so thankful though that baby Amariah is still nice and cozy in my belly. She's not out yet. We thought she would be because of how busy I have been and how much I am on my feet. I saw the doctor today and I am not dialated yet. I'm about 50% effaced but cervix is still closed. She's waiting for daddy to come home. She's just not waiting patiently. She's been throwing little fits in here, hurting mommy because she wants OUT. I think she's also trying to tell mama to REST. Everyone is telling me to rest. God is telling me to rest. Am I listening? No. How can I?! There's too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. Yes, i need to learn to let people help and I have been a good girl and have. It's not easy but I really have no choice. It has been such a blessing actually to have so many people be willing and able to help. It's like God attached 20 more hands and feet to my body. There are things though that I've held on to and haven't let people do. Sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself (it's really not but I haven't admitted it to myself yet, sssh). I had a bit of a melt down yesterday. I was just overwhelmed. I was crying out to God, just telling him I want REST. I NEED rest. Sometimes I feel as though I have to help people help me which makes it more difficult and I don't really get that rest. I told the Lord I want REAL rest, not the "answer 50 million phone calls and make another 50 million phone calls and schedule this or that and do this or that" kind of rest. That has been my "rest" lately and I'm not a fan of it. I kept saying. "ok God, you said 'Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest'. Well, i'm still waiting. Make it happen, Lord. You're the one that said it."
What a brat I am. I received a phone call today from a man from the men's ministry at church. He and another man from church wanted to come over to check out our house and see what we would need for Jarrod when he comes home. This man has been in a wheel chair since he was 15 years old. He wanted to bless us and point out to the other man who worked in construction for over 25 years what we would need. He wanted to know a good time for them to come over and I mentioned I had a doctor's appointment today so it would have to be after then. He then wanted to pray for me. Now, I have never met this man. He didn't know who I was. I didn't vomit my life story on him or even give him a hint of what I've been feeling inside. All he knew was I was the wife of a guy from church who just had surgery and can't quite walk yet. He prayed for my appointment that it would go well, of course but then he went in a different direction. He then started to pray that I wouldn't worry anymore and to trust in Jehovah Jireh (GOD PROVIDER), Jehovah Rafa(sp?) (GOD HEALER). He prayed that I would REST in Christ. He prayed that I would "seek FIRST his kingdom and righteousness" and all the things I've been worrying about would be taken care of. He prayed that my day would so be filled with the love and joy of Jesus. His prayer was PERFECT. I couldn't help but cry. It was exactly what I needed. It was the prayer I needed. I also needed that little spanking of remembering to "seek HIS kingdom and righteousness FIRST." THAT is why I haven't been getting the rest I so desperately need. I've been too busy thinking about what needs to get done, making lists of this and that, going here, going there, spending time with Hannah, spending time with Jarrod, etc etc etc. I have my quick little prayer/Bible time when I wake up and before I go to bed but I haven't had that deep intimate time with the Lord where I just REST in him and just soak up His peace. I've been too much of a Martha and not a Mary. For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, read Luke 10:38-42. It's in the New Testament in the Holy Bible. Great story, please read it.
REST. Something so needed and wanted but something extremely difficult to genuinely do. Who thought that would be one of my biggest challenges? It's a hard one to learn. I'm getting there. I still need that slap with a ruler occassionally, which I have been getting with these pains from the baby and loved ones giving me that look of disapproval.
It's almost midnight and I need to get some REST for my new day tomorrow of learning how to REST (and still get things done at the same time...I'm such a human).
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
The Road of Recovery and Victory
I'm so sorry for not updating as often as I'd like. In the rare moments that I get to just sit and breath, I like to actually enjoy it and be able to sit and breath.
Jarrod has made MAJOR progress since I last wrote which was about a week ago. Since then he has been changing his own clothes, he's been moving himself from his bed to his wheelchair or comode WITHOUT the slideboard, a few days ago they used special tools and machines to help him stand, yesterday he lifted his legs one at a time while standing with a walker, and today he took 3 sets of 6 steps with the walker!!! The physical therapists and nurses are so encouraged by him, not only because of his amazing progress but also because of his amazing attitude and determination. He's doing so well in fact that they moved him to the furthest room on the floor. He's becoming more independent that he doesn't need to be so close to the nurses now. His new room is actually quite nice. You could fit two beds in there, a recliner, and some chairs. He even has his own private bathroom. He has the "deluxe suite." That first week was incredibly rough. We went through so many moments of agony and defeat but now we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like it has been forever but when you really look at it that dark tunnel was actually not that long. We're not finished going through it yet but at least we can see the light which tells us that there will be an end to this dark tunnel. We are so ECSTATIC! We still are aware that this will be a long road but we are rejoicing in these awesome moments of victory. Hand us the loin cloths 'cause we're gonna dance like David! (For those of you that don't know that Bible story, David was a man of God who rejoiced like a maniac in his "linen ephod" when the ark of the Lord came to him 2 Samuel 6:1-23).
We have to give all glory and honor to Jesus Christ for these awesome accomplishments. We could have easily fallen into the pit of despair which would have kept us from trying and progressing. For a short while, things were not looking so great. We could have given up, thrown a pity party, and just let the nurses and pain killers do the work. There are many people who fall into that. God had a different plan in mind. Our wonderful neighbor Lynda had a great idea of asking people for verses of encouragement so that we could print them and paste them all over Jarrod's room. They were all awesome and encouraging verses but there are two that stood out the most and has helped us get through those challenging times. The first one is Psalm 4:1 "Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer." The second is Isaiah 40:29-31"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." We've clung to those verses as one would cling to a lifesaver in the middle of an ocean.
I just wrote an email to someone saying that as much as I hate going through trials I can say at the same time I love them because of what God does in them. It's amazing to not only see His hand at work but to feel it and experience it for myself. You always hear and read "Jesus loves you" so much that it almost loses it's meaning. I can honestly say that even I can get annoyed when someone says that to me because it's become so cheesy. It's so much different when you are going through a difficult time and you actually EXPERIENCE Christ's love coming through for you. We have totally been experiencing His love just embracing us and carrying us through this time through other people, through the comfort of His perfect Word (the Bible), through victories and accomplishments, and through simple ways like a stranger ahead of me in the Starbuck's drive thru paying for my order. God is shaping for us an amazing testimony. It's a great thing but a scary thing as well because that means we have to be faithful in sharing that testimony. Jarrod's already starting. He plans to wheel around the 4th floor to every room tomorrow, listen to people's problems, and share with them the love of Christ. GOSH, I love him! I can't tell you enough what a blessed girl I am to have him as my best friend AND husband. As difficult as this time is, I'm so happy that it's me God chose to share this with him. I can tell you one thing, our marriage and relationship has grown so much stronger and has matured through all of this. So many couples go through life just...going through life. As time passes, they lose that excitement and that "mushy gush" you had when you were dating. It's normal. Life happens. But WHOOOOAH BABY, when God's got the reigns, hold on tight because He'll take you through adventures that not only make you cling to Him but cling to your spouse--your best friend and lover and sparks fly and babies are made! ;)
Jarrod has made MAJOR progress since I last wrote which was about a week ago. Since then he has been changing his own clothes, he's been moving himself from his bed to his wheelchair or comode WITHOUT the slideboard, a few days ago they used special tools and machines to help him stand, yesterday he lifted his legs one at a time while standing with a walker, and today he took 3 sets of 6 steps with the walker!!! The physical therapists and nurses are so encouraged by him, not only because of his amazing progress but also because of his amazing attitude and determination. He's doing so well in fact that they moved him to the furthest room on the floor. He's becoming more independent that he doesn't need to be so close to the nurses now. His new room is actually quite nice. You could fit two beds in there, a recliner, and some chairs. He even has his own private bathroom. He has the "deluxe suite." That first week was incredibly rough. We went through so many moments of agony and defeat but now we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like it has been forever but when you really look at it that dark tunnel was actually not that long. We're not finished going through it yet but at least we can see the light which tells us that there will be an end to this dark tunnel. We are so ECSTATIC! We still are aware that this will be a long road but we are rejoicing in these awesome moments of victory. Hand us the loin cloths 'cause we're gonna dance like David! (For those of you that don't know that Bible story, David was a man of God who rejoiced like a maniac in his "linen ephod" when the ark of the Lord came to him 2 Samuel 6:1-23).
We have to give all glory and honor to Jesus Christ for these awesome accomplishments. We could have easily fallen into the pit of despair which would have kept us from trying and progressing. For a short while, things were not looking so great. We could have given up, thrown a pity party, and just let the nurses and pain killers do the work. There are many people who fall into that. God had a different plan in mind. Our wonderful neighbor Lynda had a great idea of asking people for verses of encouragement so that we could print them and paste them all over Jarrod's room. They were all awesome and encouraging verses but there are two that stood out the most and has helped us get through those challenging times. The first one is Psalm 4:1 "Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer." The second is Isaiah 40:29-31"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." We've clung to those verses as one would cling to a lifesaver in the middle of an ocean.
I just wrote an email to someone saying that as much as I hate going through trials I can say at the same time I love them because of what God does in them. It's amazing to not only see His hand at work but to feel it and experience it for myself. You always hear and read "Jesus loves you" so much that it almost loses it's meaning. I can honestly say that even I can get annoyed when someone says that to me because it's become so cheesy. It's so much different when you are going through a difficult time and you actually EXPERIENCE Christ's love coming through for you. We have totally been experiencing His love just embracing us and carrying us through this time through other people, through the comfort of His perfect Word (the Bible), through victories and accomplishments, and through simple ways like a stranger ahead of me in the Starbuck's drive thru paying for my order. God is shaping for us an amazing testimony. It's a great thing but a scary thing as well because that means we have to be faithful in sharing that testimony. Jarrod's already starting. He plans to wheel around the 4th floor to every room tomorrow, listen to people's problems, and share with them the love of Christ. GOSH, I love him! I can't tell you enough what a blessed girl I am to have him as my best friend AND husband. As difficult as this time is, I'm so happy that it's me God chose to share this with him. I can tell you one thing, our marriage and relationship has grown so much stronger and has matured through all of this. So many couples go through life just...going through life. As time passes, they lose that excitement and that "mushy gush" you had when you were dating. It's normal. Life happens. But WHOOOOAH BABY, when God's got the reigns, hold on tight because He'll take you through adventures that not only make you cling to Him but cling to your spouse--your best friend and lover and sparks fly and babies are made! ;)
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