Don't ever doubt God

The end of this month and the beginning of next is really rough financially. We're in a very weird spot right now. Jarrod cannot go back to work even if he could because we are still waiting for the approval of SSDI. We're collecting disability as of now and they will discontinue paying you if you go back to work. SSDI has a return to work program but they still haven't given us an approval or disapproval--it's been 4 months now. I also have not worked lately so there's been no extra income. It's been rough. We've been praying and waiting, praying and waiting. Nothing. We'd go through doubt and thoughts like "What are we doing wrong?!" I'd even think things like "Ok, God where are you? You said you'd take care of us and I'm still waiting." Ew, what a brat. Doesn't that sound so ugly?! I then realized I calculated things wrong and we were in even MORE need than I thought before. GREAT. I thought things would get better, not worse! We thought about doing a yard sale, selling things on Ebay, and tapping into our savings.We've been stressed about it and have tried to think of everything we could do. We even decided to have me go back to work M-F which is SUCH a difficult thing for me to do right now. I want to cry just thinking about it. I start Sep 5th but it won't be in enough time to pay the bills due before that paycheck. God's been speaking to us about seeking HIS kingdom and righteousness FIRST and everything we need will be taken care of. For me personally, He's been teaching me that it's NOT ABOUT ME. My daily prayer has been more of Him and less of ME. We get so caught up in ME, ME, ME. That's why we worry so much. We're too caught up in ourselves. I didn't think I was. I thought I had a justifiable excuse to worry. "Well, my family needs to eat. I need to pay the water bill so we have water to drink and be able to take baths." Jesus said: Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

You read that and it speaks to you for a minute. Then you remember your bills, gas to put in your car, food for your family, clothes for your constantly growing children, etc. and you doubt those words.

Jarrod received a call late last night that he missed. If any of you know Jarrod you know that he doesn't answer his phone or return phone calls. For some reason he called back this unknown number. It was a guy from men's ministry who wanted to know if he was going to come this morning to church. I don't think jarrod planned on going but because someone thought enough of him to call he decided to go. He came home from church a little late this morning but came back with an iced coffee and a card for ME. I opened the card and it was from Jarrod. It was a sweet lovey dovey card and at the end he put "God is faithful to provide. Thank you Jesus." Inside the envelope was a check for the EXACT amount we needed for the rest of August's bills. Hello, tears!

Being a Christian doesn't mean life becomes perfect and sweet and you turn into this positive little fairy. God even says he sends rain on the just and the unjust. BUT He promises to take care of His beloved children. He doesn't want us to be anxious and worried. He wants us to come to Him, give Him our worries, and trust Him that He will come through IN HIS TIMING.

I pray that I, WE never forget that He ALWAYS comes through for us. I pray that I stop myself when tempted to focus on ME again. He loves us more than we can even fathom.

Unexpected Tears

Today was a busy day. This morning we drove to Brea to get the hand controls installed in our car (WOOHOO!). We waited a good 4 hours but it was oh so worth it. Jarrod can't legally drive it yet though. He needs to take the DMV tests first. He had a hearing with a DMV officer on Monday where he basically had to tell and show them he is who he says he is and that he is telling the truth about his condition. Right, like anyone would gain anything by lying about a story like this. After that we had a check up with his neurosurgeon. I really just expected to go in and go out like we do at most of his appointments. I was actually annoyed because the doctor had a student "surgeon(?)" with him, following him around. She kept nodding her head and saying "absolutely" when there was no reason for that adverb. I started spacing out as they were speaking in doctor tongue and I had a flashback of the first time we sat in that room. I remembered the anxiety we felt of not knowing what to expect and not even knowing what exactly was wrong with Jarrod. I remembered the shock that hit us when he said "malignant tumor." I remember the uncontrollable tears that bursted out when I saw my husband, my best friend, and my rock cry and ask questions like "Is this cancer? Am I going to be paralyzed?" I remembered the fear that made me feel like throwing up. I remembered the sadness. There we were 8 months later with the same surgeon that brought us the devastating news now saying "The recent MRI has no sign of tumor and everything looks great." Jarrod even asked him how he thinks his progression is going and he responded by saying "Well look at you--you're walking. You're doing great." He's walking. I felt a tidal wave of tears well up and try to burst it's way through but I was fighting it. I saved it for the car ride ride home. My walking miracle is walking with a cane, yes, but his legs are mobile and he is getting stronger. The surgeon couldn't guarantee us that in that first meeting. He couldn't guarantee he would be able to take out all of the tumor, or if he would make it out alive, or if he would become a paraplegic or not, or if it would ever come back--NOTHING. There he was standing upright with his cane against the wall, listening to the words "No sign of tumor." I did not expect to get this emotional. It was just a check up. I was reminded again of how serious this really is. You almost forget about it as you get busy with daily life. I was reminded of where we could have been. I was reminded of God's faithfulness and incredible grace to spare us from living a much more difficult life and sparing ME from being alone. I was reminded of the miracle. I was reminded of my husband's attitude to fight hard. I was reminded of how God and our surgeon changed our lives forever. We are loved by an incredible God who continues to prove Himself and His love for us through His miracles, His grace, His mysterious way of turning our sadness into joy, and through wonderful people who continue to love on us. We're more than grateful for where we are right now. I'm so glad I didn't walk out of that doctors office the same busy Nicole. I'm glad I was REMINDED to appreciate life, God, and the gracious treasures He has lovingly given us. Help me Lord to never forget this.

God lovingly provides

"He loves us. Ohhhh how he loves us. Ohhhh how he loves us. Ohhhh how he loooooves..." That song continues to play over and over in my head. God again has shown His faithfulness by giving us the finances to get the hand controls installed in our car. He never gets tired of taking care of us. Originally we just wanted it to help Jarrod gain more independence, go back to work, and to take himself to his appointments. I didn't realize exactly what God did when He gave us the last amount needed to reach the goal.

We had several hundred to go and the fundraising site had been quiet for a few days. Honestly, I was starting to think it just wasn't time yet. Today when we received the amount needed, I broke down and just cried. I felt like a GIGANTIC weight was lifted off my shoulders. It may not seem like a huge deal but for me driving is just not my friend. Before the surgery, the only time I would really drive is around town and maybe to the beach. Otherwise Jarrod ALWAYS drove. I get road rage and anxiety when I drive. It's really very stressful for me. Plus, even just getting the family out the door to start doesn't help set the mood for my driving experience. We're late to everything we go to which adds to the stress as well. Long drives home are awful because after a long day at wherever we're at the girls fall asleep in the car which gives them energy when we stop and I want to nap. I didn't realize how much driving really affected me until we received that last amount needed for Jarrod's hand controls. I would pray for the hand controls for JARROD. God oh so lovingly gave me a huge embrace saying "Nicole, just come to me. I know even without you telling me that you've been weary and burdened. I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28). And here is where I cry and the guitar starts to play and we sing "He loves us. Ohhhh how He loves us..."

Thank you, Jesus.

We also want to thank those of you who have prayed for us and who have contributed. We are MORE than grateful for you. You have blessed us more than we can describe. Your support, friendship, and prayers are so treasured. We love you!

Fundraiser for Jarrod's Vehicle Hand Controls

Fundraiser for Jarrod's Vehicle Hand Controls

Fundraiser for Jarrod's Vehicle Hand Controls

We created a fundraiser through "Fundrazr" and Paypal to raise money for Jarrod's vehicle hand controls. Please follow the link to read the "whys" and prayerfully consider or just continue to keep this request in your prayers. Thank you all. We love you! http://fnd.us/c/5Koy1

Another Chapter Finished

Radiation is finally FINISHED! The nurses and doctors even gave Jarrod a cute little certificate of completion and balloons. I wanted to take a picture but I didn't want to embarress him and make him feel like a little kid graduating from elementary school or something. He really hasn't had any side effects from the radiation. He's been a tad tired but nothing that hinders his daily life. His skin in that area where the radiation hit is tan but nothing else really. We're so grateful he hasn't experienced anything else. There was a list of possible side effects but he hasn't experienced any of them, thank God. We want to thank the awesome men of Calvary Chapel Chino Hills who gave up a couple hours each week to take Jarrod to get his radiation. We're so grateful for you guys!

Sadly, our home health rehab group is also finished with us too. We developed friendships with his occupational therapist, physical therapist, and social worker. I fought back tears when each one left. They became such a major part of our everyday life for awhile. They helped push and give us the confidence we now have. We will miss them. We ARE happy though that they felt comfortable enough to end therapy with us. They felt Jarrod was at a good enough place where we didn't need them anymore. That in itself is a huge encouragement.

Jarrod is now walking around in public with a straight cane and at home with NOTHING AT ALL. He's been doing so much lately. During his last week of physical therapy with Rehab Without Walls, his physical therapist took him to a few trails around Chino Hills to prepare him for our weekend of camping where there was a trail to get down to the beach from the camp site. We went last weekend and he did amazing. HE packed up the car with our stuff, unloaded, packed it back in the car when we were leaving and unloaded again at home. He's also been doing things to push himself like having me park farther when we go places so he can walk more. The home health therapists also left him with the ability to take care of BOTH of the girls while I'm not there. They really wanted to make sure he achieved that before they ended. He has accomplished it wonderfully. Of course he still puts the girls shirts on backwards or puts Amariah's outfit on Hannah or forgets a dirty diaper on the side of the couch but I think that's just a man thing. He would do that regardless. ;) I even went back to work (hopefully for JUST the summer) as a sub and he takes care of the girls while I am gone. I'm amazed at how far he's come. For awhile he struggled because he couldn't do a lot of things. Jarrod is such a hard worker--a true manly man so to not be able to do things around the house that a man normally does was really difficult for him especially when I had to be the one to do it. I am such a girly girl. I was the one that never did sports or never went in the backyard because it had bugs. Watching me do things because he couldn't was weird, difficult, and funny all at the same time. Now he's doing almost everything. The other day I came home with a car load of groceries. I came in to bring the first load and went back and there he was with the rest of the groceries on both arms. My manly man. How I have waited for this. I'm tearing up as I write this. I was never sure if he would ever return to "normal." I wasn't sure if I would forever have to be the "stronger" one to do all the "man" work. I'm not wired that way and he's not wired to watch me be that. He's not completely back to "normal" but he is learning new ways to do things. I'm so proud of him. He hasn't given into self pity. He hasn't given up. He doesn't allow himself to be stagnant or idle. He is a fighter and to me a winner and my hero.

We successfully ended another chapter and are gearing up for yet another one. Pray God guides us and continues to give us strength and wisdom. There are some decisions coming up that we need to make so we'd appreciate your prayers. Pray for continued healing and recovery. Pray God continues to shape us and our girls through this time in our life and always. Pray He continues to use us and our story to help and encourage people. Pray for continued provision. Thank you!

1 down, 24 more to go...

We just went through our first radiation appointment. Jarrod is now glowing and we can channel in different radio stations. HA! He feels fine but the doctor said he really won't feel the side effects for about a week or two which I think is great since he only is going for 5 weeks. Our pastor set up a volunteer driver schedule for us through the men's ministry at church and was able to get a ride for him for everyday. We're so thankful for that! Saves us money since we'll be paying co-pay for each day that he goes in for radiation. Also saves me from having to load the two munchkins in the car for just a 5 minute procedure.

Jarrod is continuing to progress wonderfully. He has been using the cane and is doing very well on it. He's also been walking around the house more without anything at all. Our rehab group has really been encouraging him to be more independent. They even tell me to stop doing certain things for him and let him do it. It has really built up confidence in him which is helping him do a lot more. He does the dishes everyday, planted a small garden, makes lunch, changes diapers, helps pick up Hannah's messes, and other things here and there. The rehab group is also helping him learn to problem solve, especially with the girls. They want him to get to the point where he can take care of the girls for a couple hours without me. He's doing really well. He could take care of Hannah with a breeze. Amariah is a little more work but he's figuring it out. He puts her in the single stroller to "carry" her around. Another goal they have for him is to walk with the cane a full mile without rest. He's doing about a half mile right now. A couple weeks ago we met his physical therapist and occupational therapist at an outdoor mall. They wanted him to practice doing things like walking, crossing streets, carry his food tray, take Hannah around by holding her hand and the cane, etc. He accomplished all! He even took Hannah on the carousel AND squeezed those grasshopper legs of his into a kiddie train with her. It was lots of fun and even more fun to watch. He's doing great.

The radiation MIGHT make him a bit tired and MIGHT slow him down in his progress but it's not a guaranteed thing. It might have no effect on him whatsoever. Be praying for that. There are some people who have been against the radiation. It's been a little discouraging. We're nervous about it enough as it is. Knowing though that it decreases the chance of the tumor coming back by FIFTY percent helps us to feel more confident in our decision. It's not as if he had the tumor in his hand or foot. It was in his SPINAL CORD. The spinal cord deals with his entire body. It's not something where we can say "Oh well. Let's schedule another surgery." We feel at peace with doing the radiation. We're doing the best that we can, prayerfully making the best decisions that we can, and the rest is up to God. Our lives are in His hands. We wouldn't have it any other way.

We're so thankful for those of you that have continued to stand by us. We appreciate the prayers, the financial blessings, the encouragement, and everything else. We love you!

Spinal tap update

No cancer/tumor cells in the spinal fluid!! *Jumping for joy* Thank you, Jesus!!!!

5 months since surgery

Here I am! Finally able to give an update. Not sure how detailed it will be because I'm doing this as we sit in the doctor's office. He just had his spinal tap done and we have to wait an hour before leaving so he doesn't get a headache.

The results haven't came back yet since it was just done but the fluid looked clean. The doctor said that's a good sign. Sometimes the fluid comes out cloudy or different colors but his was clear. Jarrod felt no pain during the procedure since he still has numbness.

Jarrod's doctor was not able to push the referral to City of Hope for radiation. I guess they don't even take our insurance or medical group at all so there was nothing anyone could do except to pay out of pocket. The cost for treatment there would be almost a million dollars and I am speaking literally. The door was shut to City of Hope but the radiation oncologist we saw in the beginning is willing to follow the guidelines that the doctor at City of Hope wrote out. We went to another consultation with the RO we saw in the beginning (Dr. Z) and felt 100x more comfortable this time around. We actually saw his assistant since he was on vacation and she was more familiar with his tumor and was really knowledgable. She said that they'll even talk back and forth with the doctors at City of Hope. We feel so much more at peace now. After that consultation we needed to get another MRI done to see if there's any sign of tumor (even if small) because we would have to do another surgery before radiation if so. We also needed a spinal tap to see if there were any cells in the spinal fluid bc that would change the radiation treatment. If there are tumor cells in the fluid he would need radiation from the brain to the end of the spine. That would mean more risks and much more side effects--short term and long term. Pray for God's favor in this please. We do have a praise report though...the MRI came back clean. Still no new tumor! Thank you Jesus!

Radiation will be starting very shortly. If not by the end of this week then most likely next week. He will need to go M-F for 5-6 weeks. With that said, we are setting up a driving schedule since it would be too difficult for me to take him everyday with the girls or even finding a babysitter for that many days. If any of you are willing to take on a certain day/days of the week to drive him, please send me an email: nicoleknick@yahoo.com. The office is located in Covina and we live in Chino Hills. It's about 20 minutes away from where we live. The hours will vary because Jarrod is also going through physical/occupational therapy throughout the week. We appreciate any time you can give even if it's just one day. Again, please send an email if you are willing and able to take on a day. Thank you.

Everything else is going well. Amariah is sleeping through the night finally and we figured out a new nightly routine for Hannah that has been helpful. Our tummy viruses are gone and we're feeling so much better. Things are calm and peaceful for now. We're getting caught up on our rest, preparing us for our next chapter...

Tuesday

Spinal tap scheduled tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Pray there would be no tumor cells in the spinal fluid as that would mean more radiation along the entire spine starting from the brain. I PROMISE an update soon! Much love!

Quick update/prayer request

Prayer requests:

Pray that our insurance will approve the spinal tap, another MRI, and ct scan. We need these in order to proceed with radiation. They denied us the first time but we're trying again.

Pray for Hannah and I. Hannah fell Friday morning and had a concussion. We took her to the ER and both her and I caught a very vicious stomach virus. Please pray for healing.

I will have a more detailed update once we're all feeling better. Thank you all for your love, concern, and prayers.

Just some pictures :)

City of Hope

Wow! 2 posts in one week!! Just wanted to post an update and prayer request. On Wednesday we went to our out of pocket consultation at City of Hope. We were first told by the lady at admissions to try to talk to the financial advisor about getting on some kind of program or charity to pay for treatment there. Our original plan was to just get the consultation and take the recommendations to the radiation/oncologist that our insurance does cover. Unfortunately, the financial advisor told us that the type of radiation and the place it would be done at is far too expensive to be able to go on any kind of program. She said our best bet is to do what we originally planned. We were very bummed to hear that because we haven't felt comfortable with the R/O our insurance allows. He was a great doctor and very nice but is not familiar with Jarrod's type of tumor and has only dealt with a couple of cases that had to deal with the spine. I'll come back to this next part after I tell you about our appt.

It was so strange being there at City of Hope--seeing all the people with cancer who have no hair and some wearing face masks. It really hit me being there. I was really creeped out and couldn't believe we actually had to be in a place like that. It made me cry a little. The R/O gave us A LOT of info that we weren't quite ready to absorb. Nothing too bad but it just hit us again about our new reality. We kind of forgot about it since he's been home. We've been so busy with the kids, daily life, therapy, and everything else that we haven't even given thought to the "MALIGNANT" tumor and everything that comes with it. The risks of this or that and the chances of this or that. We were yet again hit by that painful 2x4 of reality. Ew. On the other hand the doctor did seem very positive and gave us the impression that we are on the better side of the scale. We try to remember that part and not focus on all the "what if's." We do understand things could be a whole lot worse but it's just a frightening thing to even have to make that part of our discussions. We'd REALLY like to have treatment there at City of Hope. The doctor we saw specializes in the spinal area and has done it numerous times. He even said that he just saw a patient with a similar story for his 5 year check up and is now doing GREAT. Unfortunately our insurance will NOT or at least HAS NOT given us the approval to go there.

Today we saw Jarrod's primary physician to get a referral for another MRI (to confirm there is no new growth) and a spinal tap (to check if there's anything in the spinal fluid). We told her about our appt and our uneasy feeling about the doctor we would be seeing that our insurance did approve us for. She was concerned about our uneasiness and said that she would talk to the head of the HMO group (? Not sure of the terminology) and make sure we do get authorized for City of Hope. She said she would not stop hounding until everything is all settled with our case and we finally get the ball on the roll. We were so happy to hear that. It was so nice to have someone fight for us like that. Please pray that God continues to direct us. Pray that the primary physician's efforts to get us authorized for City of Hope would be blessed. Pray for comfort as we go through this as it is scary and new for us.

I will keep you posted as to what happens. We should hear by Tuesday. On a very happy note, as some of you saw on my Facebook page Jarrod took some steps yesterday WITHOUT the walker. He walked from one side of the room to the couch, turned around and went back. I didn't expect him to turn around. I thought he'd just plop on the couch but nope, he kept going! To top that off he walked up and down some stairs today at the doctor's office. He passed the handicap ramp and decided to just try the stairs. It was a very exciting moment for us. I'm so proud of his accomplishments this week. This new confidence he has is just BEAMING. I'm so proud of him. He continues pressing on...

:)

4 months

It's been 4 months since Jarrod's surgery. I can't believe that much time has flown by since. I remember before his surgery when we first found out about Jarrod's tumor, I was a wreck. I didn't know how I would cope with everything. My biggest fear had always been something happening to my husband. I never thought that fear would become my reality. You don't think these kind of things would happen to YOU. You can imagine it for other people. It only happens to OTHER people--not you.

When Amariah was born it only got worse. She cried ALL the time. It seemed she never slept. Then Hannah got sick with extremely hugh fevers.Then Hannah stopped sleeping through the night and has been waking up more than the baby. I would pray and pray and pray even more but NOTHING would happen. I got to the point where I was mad at God. I recited his promises in my prayers and challenged Him. Still nothing. I was so upset with him. As if it's not hard enough managing our new life with Jarrod in his position, things had to be more chaotic with a newborn that screams and cries all day and night and a whiney needy toddler who won't sleep at night anymore. I've been drained--almost empty. I kept thinking I would die of exhaustion and irritability. Then one night when I woke up to tend to Hannah's cries and feed the baby, I realized I was filled with peace. I was waiting for a bomb to slip out of my mouth or me pulling out my hair but it didn't happen. I had a peace that I just cant explain. Days went on and that peace continued. It was still difficult don't get me wrong. I was just experiencing that common verse that every Christian recites but you never really "feel" until you go through a trial you can't manage: "Philippians 4:7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." I still want to pull my hair out at times or crawl in a hole and just cry but that special peace helps me get through the day or gets me through seconds and moments at a time throughout each day. Some people will use that "Christianese" talk and tell you "everything is going to be alright because Jesus loves you." Honestly that bugs the heck out of me because sometimes it's not going to be alright and you do struggle but that's when you come to the end of yourself and Christ can come through. Sometimes He does make things all better in an instant but sometimes He let's us wait and just gives us the strength we need to just get through that day. After my long battle with God and my "Why are you being so mean?!" convos with Him, I've come to fall more in love with Him. I see Him working even if it is quietly and not so "show-offy." Just last week I had one of the worst nights and mornings. The social worker from Jarrod's rehab group (which I'll tell u about later) was to show early that morning. I wanted him to cancel but she wouldn't. When she came she told me to do what I wanted--run, shop, nap, whatever while she helped Jarrod watch the girls. I debated whether I should sleep or run. I felt I needed to run off my frustrations. I ran the trails by my house. I haven't ran in like 7 years so I was wearing out fast. I stopped midway and there just so happened to be a nice little bench underneath a large shady tree. I sat to catch my breath and just cry out everything I had been feeling. I turn my head and what is laying beside me? A little orange Gideon BIBLE! I thought "ok God, you're funny." I opened it up and there's a topical index. I looked up "stress" and turned to the first verse it brought up and read the whole chapter. The whole chapter spoke straight to my heart but the part that hit the most was the verse that has been popping up everywhere and blessing me which is "Psalms 27:13-14 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed That I would see the goodness of the LORD In the land of the living.Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!"
I was so refreshed! I had such a nice intimate time with the Lord. He totally rejuvenated me and gave me that umph I needed to keep me going--and not just going but going with joy. It still is challenging. He hasn't taken away the problems but He has helped me through them and through it strengthened me and gave me ENDURANCE.

Now onto my update...

Jarrod has an appointment with City of Hope this Wednesday. We didn't have the $700.00 at first but God came through and gave us more than we needed. The person that passed it along to us from whoever it was from said "Don't doubt your God." Also Jarrod is now seeing a different rehab group. They specialize in neurological cases. They send out a group that consists of a physical therapist, occupational therapist, and a social worker. We LOVE them! They have been pushing Jarrod and really working him hard. It's built up his confidence and endurance. I see a new man. He became stagnant after awhile and almost depressed because of it but with this new team they have totally brought him back up. He is walking so much more now (with the walker). They're also doing things like taking him to the grocery store and teaching him to use the cart and go shopping on his own. When they came back they even had him put the food away. Tomorrow they will be taking him to the gym to show him exercises he can do other than swimming. We're so excited about his new level of progress and mind set even.

I took Amariah to the doctor to find out about her crying and throwing up. The doctor prescribed Zantac and since then has been crying a lot less. She sleeps between 4-6 hours at night. Hannah still has been waking up about 3 times throughout the night crying. We can't figure out what is wrong nor how to stop it. She's been a perfect baby since she was 7 weeks old. Always preferred to be by herself in her crib. Now she can't be alone at night. I even made a little set up for me beside her bed so when she cries at night I just go there and stay til she falls asleep again and I go back to my room. Pray for her. We've tried everything. We've tried music, a night light, I read to her and pray with her, put up pictures of us by her bed. Nothing has worked yet. Pray for her and us about this. We don't believe in sharing the bed with our kids nor separating and having me sleep in her room.

Other than those few bumps we are doing well. A lot of people seem to think we should be staying home all day everyday but we've done the opposite. We're back at church. Jarrod's been going to men's bible study. We all go out grocery shopping, take our girls to the park, hang out with friends--individually and together, go to restaurants, etc. We're just enjoying this season of all of us being together and taking advantage of it while we can. Jarrod is such a hard worker and provider that now that he's being forced down we have to soak it up. I know the minute he's better he'll be back to working hard for his family. That's just the manliness in him.

OH! And we just celebrated our 5 year anniversary. Again God provided and we were blessed with a nice little getaway to a very nice hotel in Dana Point. We stayed at the Laguna Cliffs where we had an ocean view, free valet, and free parking (which is normally an outrageous amount of $29.00!). We really wanted to just sleep the whole time but we went out for a nice dinner and then dessert at their "lounge." It was so wonderful. We reconnected and got to spend quality time together. Even though we see each other everyday we don't get that quality time because we're so busy with rehab, the kids, phone calls, and the regular things that need to get done. I felt like we were dating again with that mushy gushy feeling.

Hopefully it won't be so long before I can update again. Thank you to the ones who are still praying, still thinking about us, still sending us gifts and diapers, still blessing us financially, and still caring.

No world record

This post will be a little short. I finally have a few minutes to write a quick update. Well, as my title says I did not make it in the Guinness Book of World Records as the first woman to be pregnant forever. Baby Amariah Faith was born January 8th at 11:18am. She weighed 7lbs and 2oz and was 20in long. God blessed all of our prayers and allowed me to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I was in labor for 12 hours and pushed for 18 minutes. At 10cm I had to hold her in because the doctor was not there yet. His tire popped on the way to the hospital! I held her in for about 50min. It sounds bad but it actually helped the pushing go much quicker and smoother. Amariah is a very strong and healthy baby girl. Her heart rate was great, she was born pink as can be--no jaundice, and has caught on to breast feeding very well. I was worried about Hannah being jealous about the new baby but she has not shown any jealousy at all. She's been more of a helper. She loves to get out the wipes and diapers when I change her. She also loves to tickle her sister's feet. She is so cute with her. The first week, Hannah had a very high fever that lasted 7 days. It peaked at 105.3. It was so scary. We went to her doctor's office three times that week. She is doing well now and is her happy bouncy self again. Her appetite is a little less so please keep that in prayer.

Jarrod is doing well. Last week, the four of us took a field trip to Jarrod's neurosurgeon's office...IN THE RAIN. I was so proud that I remembered to pack everything and get everyone in the car only to find out I forgot the umbrella. It was crazy getting everyone out of the car and back in. I actually enjoyed the challenge though. Anyways, we got his MRI results back and there is no tumor, no new growth, and the spinal fluid is now flowing. We wanted to do cartwheels in the hall. He still needs to undergo radiation to kill the cells we cannot see. We are just trying to find an oncologist/radiation specialist that we feel comfortable with. Since Jarrod's tumor is so rare there are not many people if any at all that are familiar with his case. The person we saw last month did not make us feel comfortable. His neurosurgeon referred him to USC but our insurance denied it. We can file an appeal but it could take up to a month to hear back from them and they will most likely deny it again since the doctor we saw feels he can take care of Jarrod. One of our pastors who had cancer and went through treatment referred us to City of Hope. Our insurance doesn't cover us there so for just a consultation is $700.00 and that doctor may not be familiar with Jarrod's case either. Keep this in your prayers as well please. We need guidance and wisdom as to what to do and where to go. Other than that he's doing great. We went to the gym the other day and he went swimming. He practiced walking in the pool and did a lot of exercises with his legs since the water makes it easier. I noticed a HUGE difference in the way he walked afterwards. He had a physical therapy session that day and the therapist even noticed a difference. We now plan to go to the gym as many days as we can during the week. OH! On Monday his physical therapist had him walk about 12-15 feet without the walker. He stood right behind him with his arms out ready to catch him if he started to fall but Jarrod did it! I'm so proud of him-- not just of his progress but also of his good attitude and determination. How easily he could sulk and give up trying. Not him. He's not giving into that. Of course it's through Christ's strength that he has been able to stay positive and determined. He does go through those low moments where you just want to ask "WHY ME?!" but it never lasts long. We don't see him as a handicap. He manages perfectly well. Sometimes he'll feel bad for not being able to help me as much with the babies and around the house but really if he were 100% then he would be even less help because he would be at work.

Anyways, things are going well here. It's crazy but we're managing well--all by God's grace! I thought this post would be short but I couldn't resist details. I'll attach some pictures for you to see...

2 weeks since Jarrod's been home

It has been 2 weeks since Jarrod's been home. We're so thankful he came home in time for Christmas. We have enjoyed every moment together. We thought we were going to need a lot of help with him being home but he has done an amazing job adapting to our new normal. Since he's been home, he's been taking showers without anyone hovering over him like they did at the hospital, he's made me breakfast, he's barbecued, we did a little bit of Christmas shopping, and other things here and there. Did I mention he's building up one heck of an upper body? He looks incredible. That tumor really sucked the life out of him. Since that tumor has been removed he has gained weight, muscle, and even color. A physical therapist has also been coming to the house twice a week to work with him. Jarrod has made great progress with him. He was even able to take 3 steps without holding on to the walker. He still has the shaking in his legs every once in awhile but that just comes with the nerves having to regenerate, heal, and learn to work together. That will take time. Time. Oh, time. Learning to live with how fast and slow it goes at the same time can be frustrating. Patience is another thing that is not much fun to learn. We are right in the middle of those two lessons of time and patience. I don't like it. Right as we are learning to enjoy our new way of life we get hit with those oh so fun contractions. I am so glad I am having them without my water being broken like it did with Hannah. This means I have a better chance for a VBAC. I just didnt think it would take SOOO long. I've been having contractions since 5 am yesterday. I saw my doctor and I haven't dilated yet but he said that I am extremely close. He estimates within the next couple days. Last night we had absolutely no sleep because my contractions were coming every 5-10 min the ENTIRE night. Still no baby. I bet I'm going to be the first woman in the Guiness Book Of World Records to be pregnant forever. Time is now slow but too fast at night and we can't get sleep. Patience, again. Even as I sit here annoyed and complaining, I am at the same time still so grateful. I am loving that my best friend is finally home with me. I am so happy that I'm not going through this alone. I still wouldn't have been alone even if he weren't here because we have so many awesome people in our lives supporting us but it's still so much nicer when it's with your best friend and soul mate. In a way, we're actually blessed to be going through this time right now. If all of this didn't happen Jarrod wouldn't be able to share these horrible contractions with me, he wouldn't be able to stay with me for more than a week after giving birth, he wouldn't be able to experience watching every little growth spurt or milestone of our babies. He will eventually heal completely and go back to work but he'll get to experience more than what he would have. We are loving it and taking full advantage of this time together. Thank you all for your prayers, support, financial blessings, and gifts. Hopefully soon my next post will have a picture of the four of us and you will NOT see me in the Guiness Book of World Records. ;)