The end of this month and the beginning of next is really rough financially. We're in a very weird spot right now. Jarrod cannot go back to work even if he could because we are still waiting for the approval of SSDI. We're collecting disability as of now and they will discontinue paying you if you go back to work. SSDI has a return to work program but they still haven't given us an approval or disapproval--it's been 4 months now. I also have not worked lately so there's been no extra income. It's been rough. We've been praying and waiting, praying and waiting. Nothing. We'd go through doubt and thoughts like "What are we doing wrong?!" I'd even think things like "Ok, God where are you? You said you'd take care of us and I'm still waiting." Ew, what a brat. Doesn't that sound so ugly?! I then realized I calculated things wrong and we were in even MORE need than I thought before. GREAT. I thought things would get better, not worse! We thought about doing a yard sale, selling things on Ebay, and tapping into our savings.We've been stressed about it and have tried to think of everything we could do. We even decided to have me go back to work M-F which is SUCH a difficult thing for me to do right now. I want to cry just thinking about it. I start Sep 5th but it won't be in enough time to pay the bills due before that paycheck. God's been speaking to us about seeking HIS kingdom and righteousness FIRST and everything we need will be taken care of. For me personally, He's been teaching me that it's NOT ABOUT ME. My daily prayer has been more of Him and less of ME. We get so caught up in ME, ME, ME. That's why we worry so much. We're too caught up in ourselves. I didn't think I was. I thought I had a justifiable excuse to worry. "Well, my family needs to eat. I need to pay the water bill so we have water to drink and be able to take baths." Jesus said: Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
You read that and it speaks to you for a minute. Then you remember your bills, gas to put in your car, food for your family, clothes for your constantly growing children, etc. and you doubt those words.
Jarrod received a call late last night that he missed. If any of you know Jarrod you know that he doesn't answer his phone or return phone calls. For some reason he called back this unknown number. It was a guy from men's ministry who wanted to know if he was going to come this morning to church. I don't think jarrod planned on going but because someone thought enough of him to call he decided to go. He came home from church a little late this morning but came back with an iced coffee and a card for ME. I opened the card and it was from Jarrod. It was a sweet lovey dovey card and at the end he put "God is faithful to provide. Thank you Jesus." Inside the envelope was a check for the EXACT amount we needed for the rest of August's bills. Hello, tears!
Being a Christian doesn't mean life becomes perfect and sweet and you turn into this positive little fairy. God even says he sends rain on the just and the unjust. BUT He promises to take care of His beloved children. He doesn't want us to be anxious and worried. He wants us to come to Him, give Him our worries, and trust Him that He will come through IN HIS TIMING.
I pray that I, WE never forget that He ALWAYS comes through for us. I pray that I stop myself when tempted to focus on ME again. He loves us more than we can even fathom.
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