Unexpected Tears

Today was a busy day. This morning we drove to Brea to get the hand controls installed in our car (WOOHOO!). We waited a good 4 hours but it was oh so worth it. Jarrod can't legally drive it yet though. He needs to take the DMV tests first. He had a hearing with a DMV officer on Monday where he basically had to tell and show them he is who he says he is and that he is telling the truth about his condition. Right, like anyone would gain anything by lying about a story like this. After that we had a check up with his neurosurgeon. I really just expected to go in and go out like we do at most of his appointments. I was actually annoyed because the doctor had a student "surgeon(?)" with him, following him around. She kept nodding her head and saying "absolutely" when there was no reason for that adverb. I started spacing out as they were speaking in doctor tongue and I had a flashback of the first time we sat in that room. I remembered the anxiety we felt of not knowing what to expect and not even knowing what exactly was wrong with Jarrod. I remembered the shock that hit us when he said "malignant tumor." I remember the uncontrollable tears that bursted out when I saw my husband, my best friend, and my rock cry and ask questions like "Is this cancer? Am I going to be paralyzed?" I remembered the fear that made me feel like throwing up. I remembered the sadness. There we were 8 months later with the same surgeon that brought us the devastating news now saying "The recent MRI has no sign of tumor and everything looks great." Jarrod even asked him how he thinks his progression is going and he responded by saying "Well look at you--you're walking. You're doing great." He's walking. I felt a tidal wave of tears well up and try to burst it's way through but I was fighting it. I saved it for the car ride ride home. My walking miracle is walking with a cane, yes, but his legs are mobile and he is getting stronger. The surgeon couldn't guarantee us that in that first meeting. He couldn't guarantee he would be able to take out all of the tumor, or if he would make it out alive, or if he would become a paraplegic or not, or if it would ever come back--NOTHING. There he was standing upright with his cane against the wall, listening to the words "No sign of tumor." I did not expect to get this emotional. It was just a check up. I was reminded again of how serious this really is. You almost forget about it as you get busy with daily life. I was reminded of where we could have been. I was reminded of God's faithfulness and incredible grace to spare us from living a much more difficult life and sparing ME from being alone. I was reminded of the miracle. I was reminded of my husband's attitude to fight hard. I was reminded of how God and our surgeon changed our lives forever. We are loved by an incredible God who continues to prove Himself and His love for us through His miracles, His grace, His mysterious way of turning our sadness into joy, and through wonderful people who continue to love on us. We're more than grateful for where we are right now. I'm so glad I didn't walk out of that doctors office the same busy Nicole. I'm glad I was REMINDED to appreciate life, God, and the gracious treasures He has lovingly given us. Help me Lord to never forget this.