Some pics since Jarrod's been home

Since I haven't had much time to update, thought I'd post some pictures real quick. Update soon to come...

In the middle of an uphill road

I apologize for not being consistent with my updates. Time just seems to go way too fast.

Jarrod is making incredible progress. I don't even know where to begin. He is now able to get off his bed to his walker or wheelchair without using his upper body strength or even by holding on with his hands. He is now able to use his leg strength. He wheels around the halls like he's training for the Olympics. He's also been WALKING the halls with his walker. Before, the physical therapist had to hold on to him a bit but she is now able to let him do it. He still gets very tired from walking that distance but he is becoming more and more indpendent. They even put a sign on his door telling the nurses that they can allow him to walk/wheel to his bathroom. His left leg is still a bit weaker than his right. It shakes a bit when he puts pressure on his left foot. He's also having a bit of a struggle with figuring out how to move his hips as he walks. It's amazing how you don't realize how much of your body you actually use to do simple things such as walking. Keep those things in your prayers. Your prayers are being heard and are totally being blessed. Jarrod is making great improvements. I see us so close to the top of that hill. You know what happens when you get to the top though, right? You celebrate your accomplishment and WHOOOSH you slide back down. That slide down is coming quick! Jarrod will be discharged on Tuesday the 20th (YAY before Christmas!) but don't think we'll be resting when that happens. He'll have to immediately start radiation everyday and rehab 3 times a week. Hi, did I mention I'm about 20 months pregnant? I also have to see my doctor once a week until the baby comes. It is going to get CRAZY over here.

We ARE so thankful though that baby Amariah is still nice and cozy in my belly. She's not out yet. We thought she would be because of how busy I have been and how much I am on my feet. I saw the doctor today and I am not dialated yet. I'm about 50% effaced but cervix is still closed. She's waiting for daddy to come home. She's just not waiting patiently. She's been throwing little fits in here, hurting mommy because she wants OUT. I think she's also trying to tell mama to REST. Everyone is telling me to rest. God is telling me to rest. Am I listening? No. How can I?! There's too much to do and not enough time to get it all done. Yes, i need to learn to let people help and I have been a good girl and have. It's not easy but I really have no choice. It has been such a blessing actually to have so many people be willing and able to help. It's like God attached 20 more hands and feet to my body. There are things though that I've held on to and haven't let people do. Sometimes it's just easier to do it yourself (it's really not but I haven't admitted it to myself yet, sssh). I had a bit of a melt down yesterday. I was just overwhelmed. I was crying out to God, just telling him I want REST. I NEED rest. Sometimes I feel as though I have to help people help me which makes it more difficult and I don't really get that rest. I told the Lord I want REAL rest, not the "answer 50 million phone calls and make another 50 million phone calls and schedule this or that and do this or that" kind of rest. That has been my "rest" lately and I'm not a fan of it. I kept saying. "ok God, you said 'Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest'. Well, i'm still waiting. Make it happen, Lord. You're the one that said it."

What a brat I am. I received a phone call today from a man from the men's ministry at church. He and another man from church wanted to come over to check out our house and see what we would need for Jarrod when he comes home. This man has been in a wheel chair since he was 15 years old. He wanted to bless us and point out to the other man who worked in construction for over 25 years what we would need. He wanted to know a good time for them to come over and I mentioned I had a doctor's appointment today so it would have to be after then. He then wanted to pray for me. Now, I have never met this man. He didn't know who I was. I didn't vomit my life story on him  or even give him a hint of what I've been feeling inside. All he knew was I was the wife of a guy from church who just had surgery and can't quite walk yet. He prayed for my appointment that it would go well, of course but then he went in a different direction. He then started to pray that I wouldn't worry anymore and to trust in Jehovah Jireh (GOD PROVIDER), Jehovah Rafa(sp?) (GOD HEALER). He prayed that I would REST in Christ. He prayed that I would "seek FIRST his kingdom and righteousness" and all the things I've been worrying about would be taken care of. He prayed that my day would so be filled with the love and joy of Jesus. His prayer was PERFECT. I couldn't help but cry. It was exactly what I needed. It was the prayer I needed. I also needed that little spanking of remembering to "seek HIS kingdom and righteousness FIRST." THAT is why I haven't been getting the rest I so desperately need. I've been too busy thinking about what needs to get done, making lists of this and that, going here, going there, spending time with Hannah, spending time with Jarrod, etc etc etc. I have my quick little prayer/Bible time when I wake up and before I go to bed but I haven't had that deep intimate time with the Lord where I just REST in him and just soak up His peace. I've been too much of a Martha and not a Mary. For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, read Luke 10:38-42. It's in the New Testament in the Holy Bible. Great story, please read it.

REST. Something so needed and wanted but something extremely difficult to genuinely do. Who thought that would be one of my biggest challenges? It's a hard one to learn. I'm getting there. I still need that slap with a ruler occassionally, which I have been getting with these pains from the baby and loved ones giving me that look of disapproval.

It's almost midnight and I need to get some REST for my new day tomorrow of learning how to REST (and still get things done at the same time...I'm such a human).

The Road of Recovery and Victory

I'm so sorry for not updating as often as I'd like. In the rare moments that I get to just sit and breath, I like to actually enjoy it and be able to sit and breath.

Jarrod has made MAJOR progress since I last wrote which was about a week ago. Since then he has been changing his own clothes, he's been moving himself from his bed to his wheelchair or comode WITHOUT the slideboard, a few days ago they used special tools and machines to help him stand, yesterday he lifted his legs one at a time while standing with a walker, and today he took 3 sets of 6 steps with the walker!!! The physical therapists and nurses are so encouraged by him, not only because of his amazing progress but also because of his amazing attitude and determination. He's doing so well in fact that they moved him to the furthest room on the floor. He's becoming more independent that he doesn't need to be so close to the nurses now. His new room is actually quite nice. You could fit two beds in there, a recliner, and some chairs. He even has his own private bathroom. He has the "deluxe suite." That first week was incredibly rough. We went through so many moments of agony and defeat but now we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like it has been forever but when you really look at it that dark tunnel was actually not that long. We're not finished going through it yet but at least we can see the light which tells us that there will be an end to this dark tunnel. We are so ECSTATIC! We still are aware that this will be a long road but we are rejoicing in these awesome moments of victory. Hand us the loin cloths 'cause we're gonna dance like David! (For those of you that don't know that Bible story, David was a man of God who rejoiced like a maniac in his "linen ephod" when the ark of the Lord came to him 2 Samuel 6:1-23).

We have to give all glory and honor to Jesus Christ for these awesome accomplishments. We could have easily fallen into the pit of despair which would have kept us from trying and progressing. For a short while, things were not looking so great. We could have given up, thrown a pity party, and just let the nurses and pain killers do the work. There are many people who fall into that. God had a different plan in mind. Our wonderful neighbor Lynda had a great idea of asking people for verses of encouragement so that we could print them and paste them all over Jarrod's room. They were all awesome and encouraging verses but there are two that stood out the most and has helped us get through those challenging times. The first one is Psalm 4:1 "Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer." The second is Isaiah 40:29-31"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  We've clung to those verses as one would cling to a lifesaver in the middle of an ocean.

I just wrote an email to someone saying that as much as I hate going through trials I can say at the same time I love them because of what God does in them. It's amazing to not only see His hand at work but to feel it and experience it for myself. You always hear and read "Jesus loves you" so much that it almost loses it's meaning. I can honestly say that even I can get annoyed when someone says that to me because it's become so cheesy. It's so much different when you are going through a difficult time and you actually EXPERIENCE Christ's love coming through for you.  We have totally been experiencing His love just embracing us and carrying us through this time through other people, through the comfort of His perfect Word (the Bible), through victories and accomplishments, and through simple ways like a stranger ahead of me in the Starbuck's drive thru paying for my order. God is shaping for us an amazing testimony. It's a great thing but a scary thing as well because that means we have to be faithful in sharing that testimony. Jarrod's already starting. He plans to wheel around the 4th floor to every room tomorrow, listen to people's problems, and share with them the love of Christ. GOSH, I love him! I can't tell you enough what a blessed girl I am to have him as my best friend AND husband. As difficult as this time is, I'm so happy that it's me God chose to share this with him. I can tell you one thing, our marriage and relationship has grown so much stronger and has matured through all of this. So many couples go through life just...going through life. As time passes, they lose that excitement and that "mushy gush" you had when you were dating. It's normal. Life happens. But WHOOOOAH BABY, when God's got the reigns, hold on tight because He'll take you through adventures that not only make you cling to Him but cling to your spouse--your best friend and lover and sparks fly and babies are made! ;)

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm not sure if the picture I put on here will show up but this picture of Jarrod and Hannah really explains our whole day. If you were to tell me a month ago that our Thanksgiving would be spent in a hospital, I would have been devastated. We LOVE Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's our favorite time of year. I love cooking and baking, decorating our home, putting out the seasonal "smell goods" as Jarrod calls them, picking out our tree the day after Thanksgiving, having warm cookies and hot cocoa ready after putting up the Christmas lights, etc. Every Fall we get so excited for this time of year and all the fun little things we do. This year is so much different. Jarrod is still in the hospital and as soon as he comes home it will be my turn when I deliver Amariah. From the outside, it seems so sad. As we are going through it, I can honestly say this was THE best Thanksgiving we've ever had. Going through a difficulty really makes you more grateful and appreciative. I felt like our Thanksgiving actually had meaning this year. Usually we try so hard to think of something creative to do to express our thankfulness--go around the room and say what you're thankful for, pray for the person to the left of you, and all those other things to try to make this holiday more meaningful. This year it just came natural. I brought Hannah to see Jarrod for the first time since he had his surgery. It was such an emotional moment. All we could do was break down and cry. We had such a beautiful time together, just the three of us, as we sit cuddled up in that hospital bed. Jarrod was also able to (with SOME help of course) move himself into a wheelchair--another HUGE accomplishment! We all got to take a nice stroll around the GORGEOUS walkways and gardens of Huntington Memorial.

I could go on and on about all the wonderful moments we had together but I'll end here so I can catch up on my z's. The hardest part of having such a blessed day like this is when we have to leave and face another night away from each other. It's going to be a rough one but I need to just keep thinking about all the accomplishments Jarrod's been making (with Christ's strength) and look forward to the day when he gets to come home. I can't wait! If we weren't already pregnant you know there would be another baby on the way after our reunion! ;)

Waiting for the sunrise

Jarrod has been making awesome progress. He had his first (short) physical therapy session on Monday. They tried to help him stand but he's not at that point yet. His legs have been moving more though. His left leg has been weaker than his right but just yesterday he was able to bend it on his own. That was a major accomplishment. I was so proud of him. I felt like running up and down the halls and doing cart wheels but this gigantic belly of mine kept me at just a "WOOHOO" with my hands dancing in the air. He's trying to start doing everything on his own now. He's been feeding himself with no problem and has even been moving side to side instead of the nurses log rolling him as they were before. He's fighting and fighting hard. He's not one to feel sorry for himself.

We've had some great moments of triumph but we've also had our difficult moments of defeat. He's not just dealing with trying to gain feeling and movement back in his legs but he's also having to deal with gaining all the other "bodily functions" if you know what I mean. It's been very frustrating for him. It's hard enough having to deal with not walking and moving around the same. Having to struggle with gaining strength to be able to do what we do so naturally (potty) is just an annoying road block. I walked into his room today and I could tell he was upset. I asked him what was going on and he said "I'm so frustrated. I just wanna walk!" Thankfully Pastor Lin and his wife came by that night. They prayed with us and encouraged him that this is JUST day 5. Their visit was very encouraging for him. After his dinner, I gave him a sponge bath, did his hair, and sprayed that icky room with air freshener. I just wanted the night to feel "new" and fresh. I wanted him to feel refreshed physically after being refreshed spiritually/mentally. It really did help. His demeanor was completely different from when I first walked into his room.

By the way, he'll be going to a rehab hospital tomorrow...well actually it's today since it's already almost 1am. This is a victory and defeat at the same time. We're so ecstatic that he will be starting rehab already. It's so many steps closer to our goal of recovery and WALKING. Now here's where the big BUT comes in...the hospital he is being sent to is not close. It's about 45 minutes away from home with no traffic.

I went home tonight feeling okay. I started talking things over with my parents about the things on my mind and what was going on. I started realizing that we really are on a difficult and LONG road. I've been so strong and so positive for Jarrod this whole time. When he's gotten frustrated or worried I've been able to support him with encouragement and hope. Now it's my turn. I had a melt down. He'll be in acute rehab for 2-3 weeks  which means he will be staying at the hospital. He will also need to have radiation at least 2 weeks after the surgery date. Radiation will make him tired so I'm wondering if it will make his stay longer or if it will be done after. 2 weeks after today will be mid December. I'm due to give birth in the beginning of January. All these thoughts and worries start piling up and I just break down. I spent a good time in the shower just crying out to God. I don't understand His timing. As if this situation with my husband isn't hard enough I have my 19 month old sweet baby girl to worry about, taking care of myself so that baby Amariah is taken care of, and then what the future holds when Amariah comes out--will Jarrod be able to be there during delivery? How will I manage with recovering from giving birth, taking care of a newborn, taking care of and still loving on Hannah, and taking care of my husband? How is Hannah going to take all of this with not seeing daddy for awhile and then not mommy for awhile? All I could do was cry and ask God, "WHY?!" Why now? Why all of this at once? Please don't answer, "God is building your faith." That is not very comforting right now. I'm having what I call my "Garden of Gethsemene" Moment--my GOG moment. Before Jesus was taken to be murdered on the cross, he went to a garden to spend time with the Lord. Was he cheery and excited about this awesome, faith stretching trial that was to come? Um, NO. He had his time of tears. Matthew 26:38 says that his soul was "exceedingly sorrowful, even to death." He even asked that this would pass from him.

As I was crying in the shower, continuing to ask God all the "why's" I remembered what a friend told me a week before surgery. She is going through a major trial with her brother in the hospital because of an ugly fall that has severely injured his brain and function. When she was in the hospital as her brother was having surgery she met a family who's son had just gotten into a horrible accident. That night, that family was told their son was brain dead and they had 12 hours before he was taken off life support so they could say their goodbyes. I remembered her telling me she would much rather have whatever deficit her brother will have just as long as he is ALIVE and still has his mind and personality in tact WHICH he is starting to show that he has. I look at what God has done already in Jarrod and immediately I feel so bad for being so ungrateful. He miraculously took Jarrod's tumor COMPLETELY OUT, he came out of surgery NOT paralyzed, he still is my wonderful Jarrod who loves Jesus, loves me, and makes me laugh. That night after his surgery when he was still woozy and unable to move his arms, I remember he wanted me to scratch his upper lip. He was so out of it but he was able to mumble "upper lip wax" in his funny nail lady accent. I couldn't understand him at first because I wasn't expecting anything but serious feelings. I finally got it and I couldn't stop laughing. He still is JARROD. That in itself is something to smile about. I then remembered the verse in Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own." Jesus holds tomorrow. I can't think too far ahead. Tomorrow is too far ahead. God's timing is always perfect. Right now it seems horribly WRONG but I can only see what's right in front of me. He can see the whole picture.

With that said, I've picked myself up from my "GOG Moment" or should I say GOD has picked me up from that low point and has reminded me that we are in His mighty hands. He will give us the strength as we go through each day. It's so funny how different each day has been. One day it's all positive thoughts to the point of thinking of OTHERS, as I said in one of my earlier posts, to a day of total defeat and worry. We are human...sinners saved by grace. Just because you trust in Jesus doesn't mean every day will be roses and lollipops. You will have your moments of clouds and storms but He always manages to bring out the sun and even a rainbow or two. It reminds me of that verse in Psalm 30:5b "...Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." I will go to sleep tonight and wait for that sunrise...

Day 2

I'm writing as Jarrod is sleeping PEACEFULLY. He's still in the ICU but he's making HUGE progress. It seems to get better and better. He went from working and straining so hard to move his toes to now moving them without the strain AND moving his knees and lifting his legs an inch or two. He's also moving his arms a lot more. He can scratch his own nose and feed himself better. When dinner comes tonight I'll try to see how much more he can do to feed himself.

He is such an amazing man. Late last night he was so exhausted from all the visitors. They also gave him some pain meds before they moved his body to switch positions so he was just a zombie. After I washed him up and brushed his teeth he wanted to pray. He started by thanking God for the miracles and accomplishments. He started dozing off and was quiet for a bit. He then opened his eyes and asked "Who should we pray for?!" It caught me off guard. I was ready to jump in and ask the Lord for continued healing and recovery for him but instead he wanted to pray for OTHERS. He mentioned my aunt--my dad's sister who is battling cancer, our good friend's baby boy who is sick, and a list of other people that slowly came to his mind. I was so touched by that. Even though he could barely make out the prayers because he was falling asleep he thought of OTHERS and didn't even think of himself. What a man. I am so blessed to be married to such a hard working provider, a loving husband and father, a protector, a fighter (in the sense of recovering not bam bam), but most of all a strong and humble man of God. Even though he's just been laying in a hospital bed all day and night, I see him stronger than ever before.

Jarrod's request

Jarrod is very exhausted. He appreciated everyone that came out to see him today but it was a little too much for him being the first day. He is asking if everyone can let him rest tomorrow and not come. After tomorrow if you would like to visit, please set up a time with us first. Sorry if it sounds a little mean. He was just a little overwhelmed today. He is doing great. He looks like Jarrod again. He is just very tired and would like a full day to rest.

Thank you all for your prayers, encouragement, and support. We are both so grateful for ALL of you! You all have been amazing. See you soon when Jarrod is better rested and ready to crack his jokes again. we love you all!!!

Out of surgery

God keeps showing off!

The tumor was COMPLETELY removed! The surgeon said it almost came out on it's own. The pressure just pushed it out. The pressure from GOD ALMIGHTY, I believe! I can't tell you how much my heart is rejoicing and leaping.

The surgeon couldn't guarantee a recovery time or anything, really. He said it just all depends on the healing of all the nerves and everything. We wouldn't be able to really see anything until he fully awakes and the anesthesia wears off. Last night I stayed extra late so that I could see him. There's no way I was leaving my husband without telling him the good news and kissing his face. I finally got to see him and he was just so cute. He was loopy but in such a "spiritual" way. I told him the God took out ALL of that tumor and he kept saying "Praise the Lord Jesus Christ. Our healer, the Great physician. He healed me. Youre so faithul God...." over and over. He even started singing. Then right in the middle of it, in his groggy voice and slow speech, "Babe can you itch my nose? No one can understand I just want my nose itched!" Then back to "Praise you Jesus. I love you Lord. You are so good and so merciful." It had me crying and laughing at the same time. It's as that verse says "From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."

He started mentioning he was scared because he couldn't feel his legs, which the doctors were saying is normal for a little while because of the anesthesia. If he doesn't feel it after it wears off then that would be a concern. Anyways, he was telling me his fear in front of our nurse. She seemed a little uneasy so she grabbed his legs and asked if he could feel it. He asked her to do it a second time and said that he could. She then asked if he could move his foot. I saw in his face he was trying with all his might AND HE DID! He wanted to try the other foot AND HE DID! He then kept saying he wanted to do it again, and again, and again. Miracle #2 of the night. God "showing off" again.

I am so proud of my husband. I love him so much. One of the things he did in that room was took a deep breath and said "I was given this breath--God's not finished with me yet." He obviously is NOT and I know He's got an amazing plan for us and a HUGE testimony of God's faithfulness. Just as our new baby's name, Amariah Faith means "God has said," have "FAITH." Even our first daughter's name explains it too, Hannah Joy, "The grace of God" and "JOY." God's shown us much grace and has given us a tremendous amount of joy through His mighty hand at work.

I left late last night and Jarrod was doing well. He wanted me to stay all night but made me go home to rest and see Hannah. I called the hospital after my 4 hours of sleep to check on him and they said he is doing well. He's just been sleeping and he hasn't had any problems with pain or anything.

Back to dreamland I will try to go so I can come back to my strong man again this morning for another day of God "showing off."

Pity Party

How easily we could fall into the trap of throwing ourselves a “pity party” during this time. It seems only right to have one. We ARE going through a very difficult season right now. We’ve earned a nice little pity party, wouldn’t you think?

At two separate times last week when Jarrod and I were having our personal time with God, He laid on our hearts the same thing: OTHERS. It’s so bazaar to have the same things placed on our hearts when we’re not even together. It only confirms that it wasn’t just your own thoughts putting it together. Anyways, we both noticed in our own private time with God that when we were praying we were praying about US, OUR situation, OUR feelings, OUR struggles, OUR weaknesses. It hit us as to how self-centered we were being. It was a very ugly feeling. Yes, this is a very difficult situation we are going through. There are so many things that can go wrong. Our world seems as though it’s been turned upside down and a bomb has been thrown at our sweet and perfect little life. Even though that is so, Jesus Christ is our ROCK. He is our refuge. He is sovereign and STILL has us in His mighty hands. He PROMISES to never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). He PROMISES us peace (Psalm 29:11). He PROMISES to cause things to work together for good (Romans 8:28). He PROMISES that NOTHING can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39). He PROMISES us he will strengthen us and hold us in His hand (Isaiah 41:10). He PROMISES to be faithful even when we are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13). If all these things are true and all these things are PROMISED then what is the need for a pity party? We are taken care of, PRAISE JESUS!!! We can REST in knowing that we are safely in God’s hands. He keeps “showing off” as our Pastor Lin was saying. He has been coming through for us day after day in AMAZING ways since the day we found out about Jarrod’s tumor. The fundraiser was a huge success. Over a hundred people came out to support us and encourage us. There was even SUNSHINE when there was supposed to be rain! A raffle that was held for us had a shocking response. Our living room is filled with boxes of diapers and wipes. Jarrod’s MRI of his brain came back normal when we were absolutely sure something would be there. We haven’t had to cook dinner in a week and a half so far. There are so many other blessings that have been placed in our laps that this blog would go on for days if I mentioned every single one. These blessings have been God’s way of saying “I love you. I’m taking care of you.” With that promise being 100% true (and proven) there is no need for a pity party. There is no need to sing a sad song. We are being taken care of and our hearts are leaping with joy. Since we can rest in that we don’t need to worry about ourselves. We should now be praying for and thinking about OTHERS. The world does not revolve around us. We could totally make it all about us but it’s not. Even though our hands may be tied as to HOW we can go about helping others during this time we can still do what we can. The first thing would be to start praying. The second thing is just being a comfort to the ones around us and to the people we come across. Being in the hospital, we will meet so many new faces, so many new people who have a variety of problems that they’re struggling with. We can show them the hope we have in Jesus Christ.

This is a shakey and scary time right now, especially being at just a few hours before surgery. Don’t get me wrong, we are nervous and I might have some tears as I wait for the surgeon to come out and speak to me BUT we KNOW for certain that we are in the best hands which is in Christ Jesus our Lord, our Protector, our Provider, our Strength, Our Help, our Savior. No matter the outcome, we have HOPE and peace. We can rest in that and are able to turn around and be a light to someone who is stumbling in the dark.

Jarrod’s surgery is in just a few hours.  I may not write tonight but keep checking back in the next few days. J

One week since the diagnosis

It's been one week since Jarrod was diagnosed with the malignant tumor in his spinal cord. It actually hasn't been as bad as we thought it would be. He has still been going to work and our lives have still remained somewhat "normal."

Monday was a tough day because everyone found out the weekend before. We were bombarded with phone calls, texts, emails, FB messages, and voicemails. We've been grateful for the prayers and encouragements but all the nosey questions, opinions, negativity, advice, etc. was just way too much. I had a melt down that day. I woke up the next morning having another melt down because I was afraid the rest of the week would be the same night mare. Jarrod went to work a bit late that Tuesday morning. He spent time praying with me, reading the Word, and just holding me and letting me cry. It was so nice to have that comfort--not only of having my husband's arms around me comforting me, but also having the words of Jesus whispering in our ears, softly and sweetly that He is there. When Jarrod left for work I spent a good amount of time praying and reading the Bible. I looked up all the verses in the Bible that had the word "peace." Since Monday, I kept saying over and over "I just want some PEACE!" Here are a few that spoke to me and brought me comfort:

Isaiah 26:3-4 You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength. (Thank you Ashley for posting that on FB as well for us.)

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

John 16:33 "I Have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world."

Numbers 6:26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.

And this for the negative people...

Exodus 14:4 "The Lord will fight for you, and shall hold your peace."

Tuesday and on have been so PEACEFUL. The phone calls and such seemed to have paused. We've just been receiving texts and calls of encouragements, prayers, scriptures, and just good friends and close family checking in and seeing if we're okay. We've been loving that. Even Jarrod's legs have been feeling better. Monday his legs bothered him but everyday since then he's seemed to have more strength, praise God.

We've also had MANY blessings throughout this week. God is so awesome. Our friends at the school I used to work at have been planning a meal train for these couple weeks before Jarrod's surgery. You don't know how much of a blessing that is. Being at the end of my pregnancy and taking care of everything that has had to get done, the last thing I want to do is stand on my feet and cook dinner. I'd really like to just go to bed at 7:00 ha. We've been a little low on money (been having to pay co-pays and such) . I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday which is in Orange and I was super low on gas. My light had already come on. I was worried as to what we were going to do. My neighbor babysat Hannah Wednesday morning so I could get lab work done at Quest which is about 3 minutes from my house. When I came back she wanted to take me shopping. We were going to take her car but we couldn't get Hannah's car seat out. She said she would give me some gas so that we could just drive my car. We went to the gas station and she FILLED my gas tank. That little red thingy hasn't been on the "F" since...I don't even know how long! Not only did she fill my gas tank but she bought me a carwash, bought Jarrod tons of comfy clothes for the hospital, and bought Hannah and I lunch. I felt so blessed. Another good friend of mine (who is also like my sister) took me out to lunch that week and let me vent, more people are RSVPing to the fundraiser, another neighbor who works at a big grocery company is trying to put together something to get us diapers and such that can't be sold in stores for silly reasons like a wripped package, Jarrod has been getting TONS of opportunity to share his story and bring the message of the hope we have in JESUS CHRIST, and so much more. Yesterday, Jarrod shared with me some other GREAT news which I can't share just yet. After he told me, he recited that verse in Phillipians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." I cried my eyes out. It's so AMAZINGLY true. We have been watching that verse come ALIVE these past few days.

This is a difficult season we are going through. We have our positive moments and our times of fear and worry but God has been coming through and has been showing His goodness and faithfulness each day. None of us know what tomorrow holds. Even the healthiest of people aren't guaranteed tomorrow. God sees our entire life. We just need to keep our eyes focused on Him, keep our lives living for Him, seeking His kingdom and righteousness first, and everything else will fall into place the way it should--even through the difficult times because that's when He seems to show Himself more mightily.

Our weekend is approaching and another week closer to his surgery date. Tomorrow Jarrod's family is coming over to help clean up our messy garage and office which will become the baby's new room (the office not the garage ha). It will be so nice to have that done without Jarrod or I having to hurt ourselves to do it. Thank you guys!

Thank you also friends and family for your support, encouragements, and prayers. Thank you for walking beside us in this. We thank each of you for obeying the Lord in using the different gifts you have to help carry us through. Some of you have financial gifts, some the gift of spiritual wisdom, some the knowledge of Scripture for EVERY circumstance or feeling, some the gift of just being a great friend, some the gift of listening, the gift of helps, the gift of prayer, and so much more. It's so awesome to see it all come together.We are so grateful for all of you.

Off to feed our spunky little girl, Hannah. We're having a pajama day with pancakes, movies, books, snuggles, and all that fun indoor stuff while it rains. LOVE days like this!

The start of this journey

Jarrod and I started our marriage like any other young married couple--broke and learning little by little about life and how to be an "adult." We went through the normal arguments and small trials but overall our life was sweet and calm. We had some trouble conceiving which then was our biggest problem. We tried, and tried, and prayed but could not get pregnant. Then one day the Lord blessed my womb. We gave birth to our sweet little Hannah Joy on April 6, 2010. A year and a half later we are now 7 months pregnant with our second little girl, Amariah. Jarrod wanted a second baby right away. I on the other hand wanted to wait about 3 years. When we found out we were pregnant the second time, I was so scared. "How am I going to take care of TWO babies at the same time?!!" I couldn't imagine how I would manage taking care of two babies. It seemed so crazy to me. We ran into an amazing lady one night who has 5 kids, all pretty close in age. She gave us such wisdom that calmed my heart. She told us that children are a REWARD from the Lord so in that He will give us everything we need--provision, strength, etc., to take care of these precious gifts. We've clung to that and are so excited for this new journey with our two girly little gifts of life.

Before Jarrod and I even met, he started having some pains on his side. They weren't anything that scared him to think it was anything major so he shrugged it off. When we started dating the pains increased to the point that I had to take him to the ER a couple of times. Both times the doctor's shrugged it off because they couldn't find anything wrong with him. They said it might just be acid reflux. They gave him Prilosec and some pain meds. The Prilosec never worked. The pains spread to his chest. We tried to avoid all kinds of acidic and spicy foods, thinking it was just heart burn or acid refulx like the doctors told us. He lost his job because he missed too many days calling in sick and going to the doctors. We were going to get married in just a few months so this was not the greatest time to lose his job. He did side jobs and tried to start his own company which carried us through until he found another job. The pain he had would always come and go. One month he would perfectly fine and the next month it would hit all of a sudden. Kept trying to go to the doctor about it and still could never find anything. It started to hurt around his ribs and so he went to the doctor and chiropractor. They concluded that he must have a rib out.

As time went on, he shrugged off his pains and just lived with them. When I was pregnant with Hannah, I wanted to make sure we figured this thing out before we had the baby. He went to a new doctor and she found 3 hernias. She said they weren't anything he needed to take care of right away. They also said he had a bit of scoliosis which they said is probably what's hurting him. When I first got pregnant with Amariah, Jarrod's boss paid for a couple sessions of what's called the "Egoscue" method. It's somewhat like a physical therapy type thing. He went and he thought it helped a bit but still no cure. We started noticing his legs were not normal. He kept having pain in his legs and knees and he had a pretty bad limp. He's always walked a bit funny but now we could really notice it. Even people around could notice it. He was tired of feeling so weak and cramped up so he thought that going to the chiropractor to get a few quick adjustments would help him go back to normal like it normally would before. He went to the chiropractor in August 2011. He asked Jarrod why he was there and he explained that he's been having weakness and heaviness in his legs and knees. He did a couple tests on him and just stopped. He had a look of concern. He told Jarrod that he could not continue and would not touch him. He knew there was something serious. He was concerned about the mix of his high reflexes and poor muscle strength. He knew Jarrod had to see the neurologist. This chiropractor was on top of it! He went so far as to call Jarrod's primary care doctor to get an appointment ASAP so that he can get a referral to see a neurologist. When Jarrod saw his PCP, she had that same look of concern as the chiropractor. She gave the referral and kept calling Jarrod throughout the days to make sure he got his appointments going with the neurologist. The DOCTORS themselves were calling Jarrod and getting this ball on the roll. Usually it's the front desk people who handle these matters but the doctors were stepping in. We knew something was not right. He was supposed to see a certain neurologist but he couldn't get an appt with him for 3 weeks so she gave us another referral for one that was available. FINALLY he got an appt. That neurologist ordered an MRI with the dye (not sure of the medical term for it). Jarrod didn't feel too comfortable at his office. The staff, his office, the atmosphere, just seemed so weird and unprofessional. We thought about getting another referral to see a different neurologist but we decided to give him one last chance after the MRI was completed. We got the results and saw the neurologist again. He also had that same look of concern. He said the results were "not good." They found a "mass" in his spinal cord which was causing blockage. That was as much as he could tell us. We asked for possibilities of what it could be, what we need to do, how it got there, if it's cancerous, etc. He could not give us ANY answers. He gave us a referral to see a neurosurgeon so that we could get more answers.

We were so tired of this run around. We just wanted an answer! Our minds went crazy. Our neighbor, Lynda came over the next day to do some online research with me. We wanted to look for top surgeons and hospitals that work on what jarrod has. Before we did our research she wanted to pray. She is such a prayer warrior and totally has the gift of prayer. Her words are so perfect and fitting for any situation. She prayed about our situation. I remember her specifically praying that God would direct our steps to the surgeon he wanted us to see and that if even his personality and bed side manners weren't the greatest, that we wouldn't be discrouraged because we KNEW God had directed us to him. After that we did our research and came across this group of 4 doctors in our area. We read about them briefly and came to like them because they offered second opinions. We wanted a second opinion and thankfully it was already from neurosurgeons. We emailed them jarrod's results and asked if that was something they dealt with. I received a response saying it was so were in the works of setting up an appointment.We then emailed Jarrod's chiropractor the results because he wanted to be kept up to date with how Jarrod was doing. He explained so much more than what that neurologist told us but he still couldn't give us definite answers. We asked him for a recommendation of a neurosurgeon. He gave us the name (let's say Dr. Mickey) and said he was an EXCELLENT neurosurgeon. He was very conservative, meaning he wouldn't cut if he didn't have to. He said he liked his techniques and was just overall an intelligent surgeon with great bedside manners. He said the other surgeons in that group are great too but may not have the same great bedside manners. One surgeon in particular was known for being very straight forward and not a very cuddly smiley person. The chiropractor even said that if we for some reason couldn't get Dr. Mickey but got the other doctor (let's say Dr. Donald) to not be put off by his personality because he too is a great surgeon.We HAD to have Mickey though. I looked online with my neighnor, Lynda about this doctor. We saw great things about him and saw that he was very close to us. He worked with a team of 3 other surgeons. We also read that their place took our insurance/medical group. We also realized that this was the same group that we had found earlier that gives the second opinions! We were so excited! We weren't sure of where his neurologist referred him to but we wanted to make sure we just went straight to Dr. Mickey. I immediately called Jarrod's primary care physician to make an appointment the next day so that he could get a referral for Dr. Mickey. The appointment was set. Later that day, Jarrod finally got a call from his neurologist's office. They said the referral was authorized. Jarrod asked them out of curiosity who he was being referred to and it was the same group of doctor's that Dr. Mickey was in! We couldn't believe it.We cancelled his appt with his PCP. We tried to make an appt with Dr. Mickey but he was booked up until December. We felt defeated. We were set up with Dr. Donald which discouraged us. I remembered Lynda's prayer from a couple days before and how specific it was..."Lord, direct their steps to the surgeon you want them to have and if he doesn't have a great personality or bedside manners may it not discourage them because they know that YOU directed them to him..." We were so comforted. How much clearer can you get that this was definitely directed by God? We had so many signs pointing to this surgeon.

We went to our appointment with Dr. Donald, preparing ourselves to be strong and not get weary from this cold doctor. Lynda and her husband prayed beforehand that we would find favor in this surgeon's eyes and that he would come to love us. They prayed that he would either already be a believer or that he would eventually become one through our situation. We went into the exam room and all over the walls were plaques and certificates of "TOP SURGEON." Then there was another frame of Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." We were comforted beyond words. We knew this was the place we are supposed to be in. The surgeon came in, did some strength/reflex tests and then went over the results with us. He was diagnosed with a malignant tumor in his spinal cord, about 4 inches long. He would have to have surgery in order to avoid becoming a paraplegic(sp?). They would have to perform a lamenectomy which means taking out some of the bone to be able to get through the cord to the tumor. He and another surgeon would perform the surgery. He explained that sometimes the tumor can be like a hotdog where you can just pull the whole thing out. Other times it can be wrapped around and more difficult and sometimes impossible to take out the entire tumor because you can do more damage or cause paralysis. If they are not able to take out all of the tumor, Jarrod would have to proceed with radiation 3-4 weeks after the surgery. Since it is malignant (not necessarily meaning cancerous but that it would recur) they would do continual check ups every 6-12 months to see if it's come back. He couldn't guarantee us complete healing. He couldn't even guarantee a recovery time. It just all depends on how Jarrod's body responds. If he healed well, he could be out of the hospital in 4 days and eventually back to work in about a month or so. If he didn't regain strength or had pain he would have to go straight to rehab from the hospital for who knows how long. The surgeon was not as cold as we prepared ourselves for. He was actually very nice, sincere, and caring. He told us he would do whatever he can and the rest is up to God. We just have to trust in Him. Our close friend's and neighbor's, Dan and Lynda went with us to the appt to help us take notes and such. They spoke to him while Jarrod and i went back to the waiting room to schedule the surgery. They told him that if anybody deserved compassion it would be us. The doctor replied, "I know. I can tell." He then said he has a son the same age as Jarrod so he feels for us and is going to do whatever he can to help us.

We felt as though we were hit by a 2x4. So many emotions raged through. To see my husband cry is one of the saddest things I've ever seen. The timing is so wrong. What's going on is wrong. We're going to have a baby in just a couple months. I just quit my job this September to stay home and raise our kids. Through all these emotions we also have so much peace. God is on the throne and he is sovereign. He doesn't let his children suffer just to have them suffer. We are already seeing positive things coming from all of this. We're seeing the hand of God moving like we've never seen before. We were blessed with friend's of ours buying us a top of the line double stroller worth almost $600.00. Our neighbors are planning a fundraiser dinner for us. Jarrod's sister created another fundraiser online. Our friend's at the school I used to work at our planning meals to bring to us. Jarrod's company is riding the wave with us also, not planning on getting rid of him but going through this with us. Theyre also in the works of doing something for us as well. Who know's what else is going on? We feel total peace and comfort. We know we are being carried by people who love us and by the strongest arms and hands which is our Lord Jesus Christ. Yes, we go through our doubts and fears but overall we know we are in the greatest care and only good is going to come through this...if not all on earth then definitely in heaven where are treasures are being stored. It may seem our world is crashing but we feel God's love stronger than ever. We have his total strength in this weakness. When our lives were perfect, we couldn't see His hand at work. We couldn't experience Him moving in our lives. Now that we are in a desperate and low situation, we can SEE and FEEL him at work. It may not make sense to others but we are experiencing His goodness and awesomeness. We get fearful but we know whatever the outcome of this is God has something GREAT awaiting us...whether that be someone who doesn't know Jesus coming to salvation and truth, complete healing of Jarrod, or something that we can't even fathom. We are excited. We are anticipating something great. This all seems so wrong that something right has to come. Thank you Jesus for whatever you're doing through this.